


kick start my heart

by kbs_was_here



Series: Motion [2]
Category: Victorious
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 10:21:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 32,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3131000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kbs_was_here/pseuds/kbs_was_here
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It turns out they're not that good at being apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> **The acceleration of an object depends directly upon the net force acting upon the object, and inversely upon the mass of the object.**  
>  \- Newton’s Second Law of Motion, as per the Physics Classroom
> 
>  **You take your time and you like to make me wait  
> **  
>  Just when I'm ready to accelerate  
> \- Alannah Myles

**Interviewer:** So, this is your first trip to Sundance, you’re practically fresh out of NYU film school, how are the nerves?

**Jade West:** I really don’t get nervous. I’ve been making films and showing them to everyone I could since I was a kid, so it’s not a new experience. This is definitely larger scale, sure, but if they don’t like it, f**k them.

**Interviewer:** (laughs) I think there are a lot of filmmakers out there who feel the same way, they just don’t say it.

**Jade West:** They might feel better if they do.

**Interviewer:** Maybe. And this attitude, this idea that no one can stop you, this is something that’s been said about your movie, that it doesn’t stop to explain itself and it doesn’t make any apologies.

**Jade West:** I grew up on horror films, I love them, they’re why I’m in this business. When I started putting this movie together, I wasn’t necessarily thinking about a message, I just wanted to make the kind of movie I wanted to see when I was sixteen.

**Interviewer:** And the roots of this project started when you were actually around that age, correct?

**Jade West:** I was seventeen and it was the summer between junior and senior year of high school. I made a short with some friends called Death Puppet, and it was definitely a parent project to Statuette. I spent a lot of my time at NYU cultivating the idea, which is why I chose to write the script as my senior project.

**Interviewer:** Speaking of that high school experience, there’s a rumor that you and another Sundance attendee, Tori Vega, were high school sweethearts. Is there any truth to that?

**Jade West:** There is truth to that, yes. I actually had a chance to see her film, last night. She’s great in it and I wish her the best with this and anything else she does.

**Interviewer:** So no hard feelings about her recent engagement to her co-star Chester Fields?

**Jade West:** Not at all. High school was a while ago.

**Interviewer:** What about you, any marriage prospects on the horizon?

**Jade West:** You know, as cliche as it is, I’m fine being married to my work. I love film, I always have. The great thing about movies is that, once they’re finished, they don’t change.


	2. 1

Jade’s fine with the questions about Tori, mostly because, after being asked the same thing our dozen times, nothing feels real. When she first read about Tori’s engagement on an entertainment blog, Jade threw her coffee cup across the room.

It’s not like she’s been totally out of the loop with her Hollywood Arts friends. They’re all on various social media and, when they’re local to each other, it’s not unheard of to get together for a drink or dinner or a karaoke session. But Tori’s been busy, cutting albums and doing guest spots on television shows. This movie is her first feature film role and everyone’s talking about it. Jade can see why, it’s a pretty good movie and Tori’s fantastic in it. She’s not surprised, though. She’s always known Tori would succeed.

Part of why they broke up before heading off to college was for that exact reason, because they both had career plans. And they were headed for schools on opposite coasts. Jade had been accepted to NYU and Tori was staying in California to attend UCLA and stay close to the agents that already had their eye on her. It was all practical and, for the first semester, it was almost like they were still dating, with the late night Skype chats and text conversations that could span the length of a day, sometimes longer.

Jade came home to LA for winter break that year. They’d ended up having sex in Tori’s old bedroom during the Vega Christmas party. And again in the Hollywood Arts janitor’s closet while everyone else was playing Charades in the Black Box during Sikowitz’s New Year’s Eve Alumni Invitational.

* * *

_“We could have been doing this, like, every day during senior year,” Tori mumbles against Jade’s neck. Jade has her pinned against the wall, one hand down the open fly of Tori’s jeans._

_“You would have gotten us caught.”_

_“That is so not true!” It’s not that loud, but it’s definitely more volume than Jade would like if they’re going to avoid being noticed. She presses her free palm against Tori’s mouth._

_“Be quiet.” Tori says something into Jade’s hand, but it’s unintelligible. She pulls her hand away. “What?”_

_“I said, we don’t even go here anymore. It’s not like we can get in trouble.”_

_Jade’s eyebrow raises in interest. “It seems like college life is turning sweet little Ms. Vega into a bit of an exhibitionist.”_

_“I’m not saying we have to get craz-- Oh, my god.” Tori’s head falls back against the wall as Jade applies more pressure with her fingers, down between her legs. “I do have to think about my career and what people would say if--” She grabs a handful of Jade’s hair to brace herself. “Um… if… I were to be asked to never return to the Hollywood Arts due to-- fuck, Jade.”_

_Jade smirks, laughing lightly against the skin of Tori’s neck as she brings her ex-girlfriend closer to climax. She can tell by the way Tori’s pulling at her hair, the way she’s breathing, the way her hips keep pushing off the wall to gain more purchase against Jade’s hand, that she’s almost there._

* * *

 No one caught them. No one even knocked on the door. When they returned to the black box, no one even asked where they’d been. Maybe they were really caught up in Charades. Maybe they just knew better.

They held hands through the remainder of the party and even shared a pretty intense goodnight kiss when Jade dropped Tori off.

It was the last time things were ever that easy.

* * *

Jade’s camera is practically glued to her face. It’s not uncommon for her to bring one with her wherever she goes, she’s a filmmaker, after all. But tonight, in particular, there’s safety behind the LCD screen that filters the reality around her. It also gives her something to do so people are less likely to try and make small talk. Though this is a networking event, so it’s only about thirty percent as effective as it normally is.

For now, though, she’s found a moment of solace, at her table, which happens to be in a corner, far enough from the bar that there isn’t high traffic passing by her. Which means she has a great shot of the bar itself and the schmoozing that’s happening in front of it.

It’s in watching this whole schmoozefst that her focus lands on Tori. She’s with her boyfr-- fiancee, right -- and chatting with a producer, one Jade recognizes from all of her time poring over film festival Q&A’s on YouTube over the last ten years.

“Excuse me, Ms. West?”

It always makes her feel like an old timey school-teacher when people “Ms. West” her. She lowers the camera.

“Yes?”

“I just wanted to say that I think your film was phenomenal.” The guy talking to her is maybe seventeen. He’s probably not even allowed to be in this party.

Jade wants to tell him he looks like a baby. Not that she’s that much older at twenty-five, but she’s been living in New York for over half a decade and it’s seasoned her. That, and she hasn’t looked innocent since she was fifteen. This kid, though…

“Thanks.” She doesn’t want to chat or offer advice or tell him how she got here.

“Would you mind?” He’s polite, which makes Jade want to roll her eyes at him, but this is why she’s here, to talk to people. And he’s holding out one of the promo mini-posters to her movie, along with a Sharpie.

“Yeah, okay.” She doesn’t bother to ask his name, but she does scrawl “Maybe they won’t come for you, Jade West” in the corner of the poster.

“Awesome! Thank you.” And then he’s gone and maybe it wasn’t the single most painful experience in the world.

She likes when people praise her work, it’s just awkward to have to actually speak to them when she has no damn idea who they are. She’s not Tori, someone who can easily slip on the “Well, I’ll be! Aren’t you sweet and isn’t this just the nicest thing!” mask and make every single fan feel like she’s practically swooning for them.

Jade wraps her hand around the wine glass on the table in front of her and finishes off the cabernet inside of it. She lifts the camera and does back to watching people at the bar, trying to find Tori without actually looking for her, but she’s apparently gone. It’s fine. It’s not like Jade wants to look at her stupid face, anyway.

But then, there’s Tori’s face, practically filling the screen on her Canon. Because she’s ten feet away.

“Jade.”

“Vega.” And then Jade wonders if that’s even going to be Tori’s last name for much longer. Not that it matters.

“How are you?”

“Having the time of my life. You?” She wishes the wine glass wasn’t empty.

“It’s pretty fantastic. I’m really glad we both made it.”

Jade can’t bring herself to keep looking up at her ex-girlfriend, so she busies herself by looking through her photos. “Yeah.”

“I saw your movie.”

“A lot of people did, apparently.”

“It’s really, really good.”

Jade wants to tell Tori the same thing, that she’s seen Tori’s work and that she thinks it’s incredible. But she doesn’t. She can’t let Tori in and if she gives her so much as a simple compliment, Tori will use that to get Jade to open up and she’s fine being closed off.

“Ms. West?”

Another one. What is it with these people? But she’s glad to have a distraction. And it’s actually the same kid. “Yeah, what?”

“I’m really sorry to bother you, again, but I was wondering if I could get a picture with you?” He realizes that Tori is standing next to Jade. “Oh wow. Could I get one with both of you?”

Jade rolls her eyes. Leave it to Tori to steal her thunder. But it’s not this kid’s fault. She doesn’t even ask Tori, she just stands up and answers for the both of them. “Whatever. Make it snappy.”

He steps between them, frames a shot on his cell phone, and one selfie later, they’re all forever frozen on some stranger’s Instagram account. “Thank you!”

Tori’s about to say something, but then Chester fucking Fields is there, handing her a glass of, “Soda and lime? That’s what you wanted, right?”

“Yes.” Tori accepts the drink and awkwardly gestures to Jade. “Chester, this is Jade West.”

“I recognize her from the picture.”

“You’ve shown him pictures of me?” Jade asks.

“Actually, I was talking about this,” Chester says, holding open one of the event programs where Jade’s face is positioned neatly next to her film title. “Your movie was great. Scary stuff.”

“Well, I’m a scary person.”

“She’s not that scary,” Tori counters.

“Yeah. So, I have to meet with a guy about some stuff. Great to meet you, Chuck.” Jade doesn’t even bother shaking his hand, because she knows she’ll try to snap it off at the wrist. It’s just her nature. The only thing keeping her from dismembering the man in front of her is the fact that he apparently makes Tori happy and is, therefore, saved from the kind of fate usually reserved for the people in Jade’s films. “Vega,” she says with a dismissive nod, then turns and walks away.

There’s no specific destination in mind, so she ends up in the restroom. It’s one of those huge ordeals with an outer mirrored sitting room for freshening up and gossiping about who’s wearing what. She sits on the clawfoot sofa that’s against the wall opposite the mirrors and fiddles with her camera before shooting off a couple self portraits in the glass reflection. As far as she can tell, she’s alone in this space, so she leans back and closes her eyes as her head rests on the top edge of the sofa.

It’s maybe a minute before she hears the creak and clack of the door opening and closing. She doesn’t have to open her eyes to know it’s Tori, not because of any genuine knowledge, it’s just intuition. Tori has a way of finding her, of showing up, when Jade wants to be left alone.

“I… think we should talk.” Jade opens her eyes. Tori’s sitting on the arm of the couch, looking at her in the mirror. When Jade doesn’t reply, Tori continues. “Or, I can talk and you can stare at me. I know it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other. And I should have kept in touch better than I did.”

“Do you know how I found out?” When Tori gives her that tilted head and scrunched up eyebrow look, Jade shifts her focus from the mirrored reflection to the woman next to her. “I read it on Twitter. It was a link from Variety.”

Tori can’t seem to look at her, in person or in the mirror. “I’m sorry. I should have told you.”

“You know what? It’s fine. Because we haven’t been anything to each other in, what, five years? Maybe more?”

“Jade, that’s not--”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s great that you have the beef stick to parade around. He’s good looking and hot shit and congratulations. Do you know that I’ve been asked in every single junket interview what I think about you and that--”

“-- I’m pregnant.”

Jade stops, mid-sentence. “You’re…” She can’t figure out what this is supposed to mean. “And what? You want a ride to the clinic? I don’t know what this has to do with me.”

“I…” Tori can’t seem to find her words and, if even just out of morbid curiosity, Jade wants to know more. So she waits. “Um, no one knows. I just found out a couple days ago. It’s still pretty early and we’re already juggling the news of the engagement--”

Now it’s too much. Jade shakes her head and considers putting her hands over her ears. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because telling you makes it real,” Tori whispers.

Jade has no idea what to do with any of this. She’s rarely ever seen Tori this vulnerable and she knows this is important. But they aren’t in each other’s lives, anymore. “Are you keeping it?”

“I want a family. Now’s a good time to start. I have two platinum albums and the movie already has a distributor. I could take a year off and do this.”

“Then it’s a good thing Chestnut out there popped the question.” Jade eyes the diamond on Tori’s finger. She’s been trying to ignore it up until now, but with all the lights around the mirror, it’s glinting like the goddamn Las Vegas Strip. “Congratulations. On everything.”

It’s bitter, the “everything” and whatever’s in between.

She doesn’t have to look back as she steps out the door, back into the party, to know that she’s left Tori crying. There’s really nothing left for her to do here, so she heads back to her hotel room and spends the rest of the night angrily trolling the comment boards on Chester’s IMDB page.

* * *

Three months after Sundance, it’s a mild April morning in the West Village where Jade’s waiting to order her coffee at her most recent favorite local find. It’s a personal mission to sample the coffee from every independent coffee spot in lower Manhattan. She scrolls through the headlines on her feed and almost misses it, but her thumb catches the article and there it is on her PearPhone: _Vega/Fields Messy Split, Source Says It’s Not His Baby!_

Jade stares at it so long, she misses the first two times the barista asks her for her order.

She spends the rest of the morning debating whether or not to call Tori. It’s a tabloid, but a quick search shows that all the others are running similar pieces, more than a couple detailing Chester’s likely affair with a new upcoming pop diva.

Jade knows they didn’t leave things on good terms back in Park City, but if she read something like this about Beck or Cat or even Robbie, she’d want to at least make sure they were okay. When she finally does call, she tells herself that Tori will probably just blow it off and that will be it.

Tori answers on the first ring. “Hello?” She sounds pathetic. Not in a mean way, but in the way that she genuinely sounds heartbroken.

“Hey, um... “ Jade wasn’t expecting to get this far. “It’s me.”

“I know.”

There’s a silence, like maybe Tori’s waiting for Jade to berate her and that makes Jade feel heavy and deflated. “I read some stuff. Wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“It’s been going on for a while. He left last week, but he came by last night for his stuff.”

“What about the kid?” Jade asks. “The one inside you, not the one he’s been dicking around with on the side.”

There’s a sad half-chuckle through the sniffling on Tori’s side. “He says he’s not the father. He waived his rights and I let him. I don’t need his support and if he wants to do this, then… fuck him.”

Jade finds herself smiling at the profanity. It’s not like Tori to swear but when she does, she means it. “Yeah. Fuck him.” She can be supportive about this.

“I-- Oh god, hold on.” There’s shuffling on the line, then the unmistakable sound of someone throwing up. A toilet flushes, then a faucet runs. “Sorry about that.”

“That was disgusting.”

“Morning sickness. It’s supposed to pass any day now. Just not today, I guess.”

“Is everything okay, otherwise?” Jade doesn’t know how it’s even possible that they’re having this conversation about Tori’s pregnancy, but then she expected Tori to basically hang up on her, so this is all new territory.

“Yeah, we’re on schedule and everything. My mom says she had a pretty easy time with me, but Trina was difficult.”

“That’s not a surprise.”

“No.” Tori sighs. “Really, the worst part of all this has been the media. I can’t go out without them following me, asking questions, and shoving cameras in my face.” There’s a smallness in her voice when she says, “I just want them to leave me alone. It’s been like this since the engagement.”

Jade’s instinct is to tell her that’s what she gets for getting engaged, but a thought forms as she listens to Tori and that, paired with the fact that she’s just listened to a pregnant woman vomiting alone in her home where she feels held hostage by the paparazzi, she decides to say what she’s thinking. "Look... I mean, maybe I'm totally going to regret this, but why don't you come out here for a while? The New York paps are less aggressive and I live on the ninth floor, so it's not like they can hang out outside the window."

Tori’s voice is unexpectedly hopeful. "You'd do that?"

"My old roommate moved out last month and I've been screening for potential psychopaths--"

"Because that's what you want or what you're trying to avoid?"

"Hilarious."

It’s quiet on Tori’s end for a moment. Then, “Do you think it’s a good idea? Me being there?”

“I think it’s a terrible idea for you to stay where you’re being stalked by TMZ. And you need to get away from that douchebag.” Really, though, Jade isn’t sure if this is a best or worst idea. She doesn’t think about it. “We just have to figure out how to get you out of the house and to the airport without them following you.”

“They’d have to stop at security.”

“Still, it’s better if they don’t even know you’re leaving.”

“I think I might have an idea.”


	3. 2

By the time the paparazzi realized they spent three hours waiting for the wrong Vega sister outside of a certain prestigious Beverly Hills spa and salon, Tori was already descending into New York City airspace.

Now, she’s following the signs to the baggage area, a baseball cap pulled closely over her face, which is framed behind her glasses, the ones she usually just wears at home. They’re not as effective as sunglasses, but they’re enough to keep people from easily recognizing her.

Most people.

Jade, however, spots her immediately. She doesn’t move from the place where she’s leaning against the wall to run and greet Tori, but when they’re about ten feet apart she finally pushes forward and closes the gap. There’s an awkward moment because they haven’t really touched each other in years. They barely spoke at Sundance and that had ended in tears. At least for Tori.

But now, Jade’s muttering, “Fuck it,” under her breath and her arms are wrapped around Tori and they’re hugging. It’s not particularly lingering, but it’s definitely not fleeting, either. And then Jade’s looking down at Tori’s stomach. “Doesn’t look much bigger than a food baby.”

“For now,” Tori sighs. She’s excited about motherhood, but she’s not ecstatic about what her body will be going through. It’s already been kind of rough, with the morning sickness and the fatigue, and she’s just barely starting her second trimester.

“You look fine,” Jade offers, and that’s actually huge coming from someone who gives out about three compliments a year, and two of those are almost always backhanded. “Even in those dorky glasses.” And, there it is.

Tori knows Jade actually really likes her in glasses. It was something she learned pretty early on in their dating relationship. Jade would always comment on them, calling them nerdy or dorky, but after they’d been going out for a little while, those words were always paired with hot or sexy. But that was a long time ago and now Jade’s sticking to the former vocabulary. Tori feels like there’s something in the tone, though, but maybe that’s just pregnancy hormones.

They make small talk about the flight, which means Jade asks if it was long, Tori says yes, and then Jade tells her to wait while she goes to get Tori’s bags. She’s gone for about five seconds before she’s back and asking, “What do your dumb bags look like?” and then they argue for about half a minute before Jade agrees to let Tori stand next to her at the baggage carousel. “Don’t be an idiot and try to reach for anything.”

“I’m only fourteen weeks, I can still pick stuff up. I carried the damn things to the checkout counter.”

“Well, that was stupid.”

“You don’t have to be mean.”

“Um, excuse me?” Tori thinks Jade’s saying it to her, but she isn’t. She’s poking at a gentleman standing next to her. “Yeah, you.” The man turns to Jade. “Do you think a pregnant woman should be carrying heavy luggage?”

“I don’t think so, no.”

“See?” Jade says, looking back at Tori. “It was stupid.”

“He didn’t say it was st--”

“Stop arguing with me!”

“You like it when I argue with you!”

The baggage carousel begins to turn and Jade keeps her eyes on the bags that begin to pass by, though Tori can see the smirk on her lips. She’s been worried about what this will be like, if they’ll get along, but if it’s going to be like this, like old times, maybe everything’s going ot be fine.

“Tori!”

“What?”

“Which one?”

“Oh, um…” Tori points toward a pink and black piece of luggage. “There’s one!”

Jade slaps her hand down. “Don’t reach for it!”

“I was showing you which one.”

They collect the rest of Tori’s bags and load them onto a rolling cart before heading toward the exit. Jade bypasses the taxi stand, where a line winds back and forth several times.

“I called a car service.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“But I did, so deal with it.”

They reach the curb and there’s an SUV waiting for them, complete with a driver there to open the door and load the luggage. Tori’s used to this kind of service, but she wasn’t expecting Jade to plan anything like this. She’s supposed to be getting out of the public eye. Also, while Jade has a successful independent film under her belt, Tori knows she’s not rich, by any means. She actually wonders how Jade can afford a two bedroom apartment in the neighborhood where she lives.

The ride from JFK International Airport into Manhattan is at least forty-five minutes and the curiosity’s getting to her. “Because when I first moved in, I had three roommates,” Jade explains when Tori decides to ask. “I made some good money on my distribution deal and if I learned anything new from making my movie, it’s that I’m actually really good at budgeting.”

When they made the arrangements for Tori to come out to the city for this break from the paparazzi, they agreed that Tori would cover half of the rent for the couple of months she plans to stay, plus expenses. Already, Tori’s plotting to try and cover more than just her half, as a thank you for providing her this escape from the chaos of Los Angeles, but she knows Jade won’t just accept it from her.

She’ll have to get tricky.

For now, she’s glad Jade thought ahead to hire a driver instead of taking a cab, because Tori isn’t sure if she could handle Jade arguing with a cabbie about which route to take. It’s been a weird week.

She realizes she must be thinking about it pretty hard, because Jade’s staring at her when she asks, “Are you going to puke? Because I’ll tell him to pull over. I know I’m into weird stuff, but I really don’t want to see that happen right in front of me.”

Tori shakes her head. “I’m okay. The morning sickness is basically over. And I’ve seen you throw up before, so it would only be fair.”

Jade crosses her arms and leans her head back against the seat. “No.”

* * *

It was Beck’s graduation party, which meant everyone was there: The Grub Truck, Andre’s Band, and even people who didn’t even graduate from Hollywood Arts.

The biggest party of their high school career and the first time and only time Jade was ever drunk in front of Tori, during their dating relationship.

Someone from Northridge brought a Costco sized bottle of GoldSchnapper to the party, which led to several rounds of shots, Robbie strutting around topless in leather pants, and Jade vomiting in the bushes.

* * *

  _“Feel better?”_

_“I’m fine.”_

_“The only reason you’re still upright is because you’re hugging that shrub.”_

_Jade groans. “Can you help me, please?”_

_They’ve been going out for a little over a year, but Tori’s still not quite used to Jade politely asking her things. Not that Jade’s rude to her like she used to be, but she’s still Jade. Her choice words are usually not laced with niceties._

_“Come here.” Tori loops an arm around Jade and helps her stand without the help of any landscaping._

_Now that she’s thrown up all the liquor in her stomach, Jade quickly shifts to sleepy-drunk and Tori’s lucky to get her in the car before she passes out. She already has Jade’s keys, because she took them the second alcohol appeared at the party. Technically, she isn’t supposed to drive, because even though she finally has her license it’s still provisional and she’s not supposed to have passengers under twenty-five._

_Tori figures she can talk her way out of a ticket if she just drops her dad’s name. She just hopes it never comes to that._

_And it doesn’t. They make it back to the Vega house without any police encounters. The only problem is that Jade’s still an unconscious lump in the passenger seat._

_“Jade,” Tori says, gently prodding her girlfriend._

_“No, m’sleeping.”_

_“I know, but we’re at my house.”_

_“Shhhhh.” Jade moves, but it’s only to lie down with her head on Tori’s lap._

_Tori can’t resist stroking Jade’s multi-colored hair, pulling it away from her face, as she promptly falls back asleep. “Gank,” she mutters, but it’s endearing._

_She’s going to miss Jade when they head off to different coasts. But she doesn’t want to think about that. Right now, she has to decide whether or not it’s worth it to ask Trina for help getting Jade out of the car and up the stairs to Tori’s bedroom._

* * *

 At recalling the story, Jade shakes her head. “Your stupid sister dropped me on the stairs.”

“You were dead weight! It was really hard to maneuver.”

“I’m actually still surprised she didn’t leave me on the curb.”

“She tried.”

“Well, thanks for coercing her into helping you.”

Tori’s pleased at the gratitude, even though it’s over something nearly a decade old. “She’s slightly more empathetic now, actually.”

“I was surprised to hear she was actually willing to help you escape LA. Though it involved hordes of photographers following her, so maybe I wasn’t that surprised.”

Tori laughs. “Yeah, it didn’t take much. She actually thinks this is a good idea. Me coming out here. She didn’t like Chester all that much.”

“I guess she’s not always completely oblivious.”

They’re on the Williamsburg Bridge and there’s a great view of the city. Tori can’t resist snapping a picture and uploading it to her Instagram. She half expects Jade to roll her eyes and call her a tourist, but there’s no comment from the other side of the car.

“Jade?”

“Hmm?”

“Why did you ask me to come here?”

 “Because the paps are slightly less dickish over here.”

“No, I mean… You didn’t have to offer, in the first place.”

And now there’s the eye roll. “Are you saying you don’t want to be here?”

“No! Not at all!” Tori reaches over, placing a hand on Jade’s arm. “I appreciate it. I was just wondering--”

“--Because you don’t deserve to go through what that asshole did to you, okay?” Jade’s gaze is focused somewhere out the window.

Tori’s fingers trace over the nautical star tattoo on Jade’s forearm and she expects that, right about now, Jade will pull away, but she doesn’t. Being this close is easier than she expected, and it’s kind of unnerving. She wonders if this whole thing is really a good idea, because of their history. But then, she’d rather be around someone who knows her as well as Jade does, right now.

She glances back up to see that Jade’s no longer watching out the window. Instead, she’s looking at Tori, one eyebrow raised. That’s when Tori realizes she’s still dragging her fingertips over the star shape.

That stops, immediately.

“So, how much longer until we get there?”

It’s only about ten minutes, including the time it takes the driver to help Jade load the bags into the elevator. Tori’s ordered to sit on the small couch in the lobby until everything’s out of the car.

“Okay, let’s go,” Jade says, reaching out toward Tori.

Tori takes Jade’s hand, but then realizes she’s actually reaching for the bag slung over her shoulder. “I can carry this.”

“Give it. To me.” When Tori fails to hand it over, Jade just takes it from her and walks into the elevator.

Tori has no choice but to follow and the ride up to the ninth floor is silent until the ding of the doors opening to the hallway. Jade quickly pulls the luggage into the hall, but there’s no way she can carry everything in one trip.

“I can manage the one on wheels and my purse,” Tori says.

“You’re pregnant.”

“Yeah, fourteen weeks and I’m not incapacitated.” Tori forces herself in between Jade and the other bags. “Look, I know you’re just trying to be careful, but I’m not helpless.”

Jade shifts the one bag she has on her shoulder. “Fine. The rolly one and this one.” She hands Tori the bag she just took from her in the lobby. “It’s 9C.”

Once they’re in the apartment, the first thing Tori notices is how much Jade’s style has matured. Maybe it’s because she was sharing the apartment with another person, but the living room is made up of a dark leather sofa and armchair, both which look worn, but well cared for. A red and black rug covers the center of the hardwood floor.

“This is nice,” she comments.

Jade drops the bags into the bedroom that’s on the far side of the living room. “Did you think it wouldn’t be?”

“I just… I didn’t know if there would be a six foot raven holding up your television.”

“Why, do you know where I could get one?” Before Tori can even decide if it’s a serious question, Jade’s already onto the next topic. “This is your room. There’s only one bathroom, so I hope you’re serious about being over the morning sickness. I have keys for you, both for the apartment and the door downstairs.”

Jade crosses past Tori and through the living room to the other side. She opens the door to the second bedroom. The second Tori’s close enough, she immediately realizes that Jade’s tastes haven’t changed that much, at all. Everything’s just been concentrated in one tiny space.

The walls are covered in bizarre artwork, some of which Tori can tell are Jade’s own concept designs. If they aren’t from her years at Hollywood Arts, they’re still recognizable as Jade’s signature style. There are a couple movie posters, including the exact same poster for The Scissoring that used to hang in her bedroom back home. A shelf over her desk is covered in pieces of horror movie memorabilia.

Tori does notice a distinct lack of things in jars, but then she hasn’t seen the bathroom or kitchen yet, so who knows what she’s bound to find.

Her eye catches a collection of framed photos next to a small poster for “Death Puppet” and one is of the two of them, posed together, on the set of the short film. She remembers that day clearly.

It’s kind of really hard to forget the first time someone you love tells you they love you.


	4. 3

“Your baby is the size of a lemon.”

Tori almost drops her mug, but she steadies herself in time to gently set it on the counter. “Excuse me?”

“You said fourteen weeks, so I googled it.” Jade knows her hair’s a mess and she really wasn’t planning to care what Tori thinks of it, but seeing her now, standing in the kitchen, looking freshly showered and ready for the day, there’s a regret that she didn’t at least try to tame it a little bit. She settles for smoothing it with her hands as she approaches the small breakfast counter that separates the kitchen area from the living room. “Every website compares baby sizes to food. That’s weird.”

“I guess I never really thought about it.” Tori opens the refrigerator. “Do you have any lemons?”

“I don’t think so. Why?”

“For my tea.” The fridge shuts and Tori looks disappointed.

“We can go to Whole Foods later, if you want.” Jade shuffles into the small kitchen space, moving past Tori. “Just let me drink, like, a gallon of coffee, first.”

“Of course.”

Jade feels Tori’s gaze on her as she loads the coffee maker and flips the switch. She hopes Tori doesn’t really want to talk, right now, because Jade’s never been a morning person. Tori, apparently, remembers this because she settles on one of the barstools at the counter and reads something on her iPad.

As the coffee brews, Jade finds herself watching Tori, not because she wants to, but because there’s nothing else to really look at. She’s still half asleep, so she doesn’t really process that she’s staring until Tori happens to look up at her.

“Well?” Jade asks.

“Well, what?”

“Did you want breakfast?”

“You’re going to make me breakfast?”

“No.” Jade turns back toward the coffee maker and pours herself a cup. When she spins back around to the counter, Tori’s already sliding the glass sugar container toward her. Wordlessly, Jade takes it and dumps the appropriate amount into her coffee. After a couple sips, she casually reaches into one of the cupboards and pulls down a box of cereal, which she places in front of Tori. “If you can’t figure out where to find the milk, you don’t deserve to eat. I need to take a shower.”

As Jade passes by, she catches sight of the smile creeping across Tori’s face. To Tori’s credit, she doesn’t comment, she just keeps reading.

In the shower, Jade wakes up a little more and she’s able to start thinking about her day as she begins to shampoo her hair. And then there’s a knock at the door.

“Occupied!” Jade calls out. There’s no way Tori doesn’t know she’s in here.

“I have to pee!”

“Oh my god, I’ll be out in ten minutes!” Then Jade hears the door open, just a little.

“I don’t know if I’ll make it that long. It’s the baby. It’s like I have to go, all the time.”

“This isn’t happening. You’re not talking to me about having to wazz while I’m in here.”

“It’s not like this is ideal for me.”

Jade considers whether or not it’s completely disgusting to ask Tori to use the kitchen sink. Which, yes, it is. So she doesn’t bring it up. There’s shampoo threatening to drip into her eyes and she has to think fast. “Fine just… can you turn on your PearTunes or something?”

“On it.” Almost immediately, a familiar song echoes through the bathroom. It plays for several seconds and Jade’s almost able to forget that Tori’s there. Almost. “You know, this really isn’t any different than using a public bath--”

“We’re not talking about this!” When the toilet flushes, the water runs extra hot for a moment. “Tori!”

“Sorry!”

The door shuts and Jade’s left alone. She wonders what other delightful encounters are waiting to be shared with her ex-girlfriend turned pregnant roommate.

But their trip to Whole Foods is uneventful. They catch a cab, do their shopping, and it seems like Jade’s right about Tori being able to lay low during her time in the city, because no one seems to even notice who she is. Even the cashier who gives her a knowing smile doesn’t actually comment on Tori’s most recent single or the fact that her movie’s playing at the Regal Cinema just around the corner. It could also have something to do with the way Jade’s starting at the poor kid.

“Oh, shoot.” Tori says, as she unloads them out of their shared cart. “I forgot my coconut water.”

“Who are you, Sikowitz?”

“I’ve been craving it all morning. Could you run and get me a couple?” Tori nods toward the cold case near the registers.

“Could you run and get me a couple?” Jade repeats, in full Sweet Sally Peaches voice. But she’s already on her way to collect the requested water and she’s sure she can hear Tori telling the cashier that she doesn’t ‘talk like that. It only takes her about a minute to find the drinks, but by the time she makes it back to the register, the cart is fully empty and Tori’s swiping her card.

“Oh, great. If you can pay for those, I got everything else.”

“Half that stuff was mine.” Jade looks around, to see if her items have been moved to the counter.

“Don’t worry, it’s here. Just pay the man for the coconut water, so we can go.”

“This doesn’t make up for earlier,” Jade says, side-eyeing Tori as she hands over her money.

“We don’t really need to talk about that.” Tori’s visibly distressed that Jade might actually bring up the bathroom incident.

Jade obviously has no desire to do that, but she’s pleased at the way she’s making Tori squirm. She drops the two waters into one of the bags, then picks up three of the grocery sacks, leaving the lightest one for Tori to carry. “Let’s go, big spender.”

At the apartment, Tori helps put the groceries away, immediately driving Jade insane when she begins placing things in the wrong cupboards.

“But in my house, we always put cereal in the one closest to the fridge, because that’s where the milk is!” Tori explains, when Jade snatches the box of Rice Chex out of her hands and shoves it into a lower cupboard.

“But that’s where the coffee mugs go. Cereal goes down here.”

“That’s at least three steps farther away.”

“This kitchen is the size of the old janitor’s closet. It’s not like you’re going to get lost.”

Tori hums and resigns herself to just remove the items from the bags so Jade can put everything in its proper place. Jade can at least appreciate that Tori knows when to give up.

That is, until the next morning, when she prepares to grab a coffee cup and there’s cereal in the upper cupboard, next to the refrigerator, instead of the mugs she normally keeps there.

“Tori!” Jade bellows in the direction of the bathroom. She isn’t sure if she can be heard over the shower, but she can wait. As she slams around the space, trying to find where Tori’s moved her cups, she realizes the coffee pot is on, with fresh coffee already brewed, and there’s an empty mug sitting right next to it.

As hard as she tries to hold onto her anger, the coffee takes the edge off and, by the time Tori’s out of the shower and walking across the living room in a bathrobe, rubbing a towel over her hair, the most Jade can do is glare.

“Good morning!” Tori offers.

Jade’s reply is, “No,” and then she disappears back into her room to work on an outline for a spec script she’s hoping to pitch later in the month. She loses track of time and doesn’t even think about eating until she realizes she can smell something cooking. It’s close to noon and she didn’t have anything but coffee for breakfast, so she’s compelled to emerge from her bedroom.

In the kitchen, Tori stands over the stove and Jade can’t stop herself from approaching quietly until she’s almost right behind her. “What’s for lunch?”

Tori screams and nearly smacks Jade in the head with a spatula. “Don’t do that!”

“But it’s so much fun.”

“I don’t think scaring a pregnant woman is something you’re supposed to do.”

“Now you’re just taking all my joy away.”

“You don’t believe in joy.” Tori turns back to the stove. “If you want a grilled cheese, you’ll have to ask nicely.”

Now that she’s in the same room with potential sandwiches, Jade realizes just how hungry she is. “Can I… have one?" But is she starving enough to play nice?

“Maybe. Was there anything you wanted to add to that request?”

Jade supposes she can be kind of nice. “Your glasses don’t look as dorky as usual.” Kind of.

“I was looking for ‘please’ but I guess that’ll work.” Tori slides one of the sandwich halves onto a plate and hands it to Jade.

They end up sitting across from each other at the breakfast counter, a bowl of grapes between them. Jade picks at the crust on her sandwich, trying to decide if today is one of the days when she hates crusts. She’s still undecided.

“Do you have any plans for what you’re doing while you’re here?”

“I have a couple books I’ve been wanting to read and I’ve been neglecting my Netflix queue, so I was planning to tackle that.”

“Not in the apartment, dingus. In the city.”

“Oh. Um… I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.”

“It’s fine if you want to just be lazy and sit around the house all day. As long you can make rent, that’s all I care about.” It’s mostly true. If Tori needs a break, Jade’s okay with giving her a space to do that. But, if she lets herself think about it further, she doesn’t want Tori to feel trapped.

Then again, they’re both adults. Tori can make her own choices.

“I’m not lazy. I’m growing a person inside of me.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. Or, I did. But not really. Whatever. I have a couple meetings this afternoon, then we can order dinner in or go somewhere. I like to eat around six.”

Tori studies Jade from across the counter. “What if I have something else to do?”

“You just said you’re not-- I don’t even know why I try.” Jade pulls the rest of the crust off her sandwich.

“Relax. I’m more than happy to join you for dinner at six. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to entertain me.”

“I’d never feel compelled to entertain you.”

“Yeah, okay. That’s true.” Tori reaches over and picks up one of the crusts that Jade’s abandoned. “So I guess I have nothing to worry about it.”

“Oh, you have plenty to worry about, just not that.” Jade slides the plate over to her. “I have to take a shower. Is there anything you need to take care of before I get in there?”

“No, I’m cool.”

“You’re sure?”

“Uh huh.”

“Tori.”

“Yes! I swear.”

“Because if you interrupt my shower again--”

“Well, now I kind of feel like maybe I need to--”

Jade drops her head into her hands. “Go! And hurry up.”

Their week continues like this, with Jade waking up maybe an hour after Tori, pouring herself a cup of already brewed coffee in the kitchen, and disappearing into her room to write until lunch. They eat together and talk about their plans for the evening, which has resulted in ordering take out over the past four nights.

By Friday, Jade realizes Tori hasn’t really been out of the apartment unless they’ve gone out together. Even those trips were just to the Duane Reade or the vitamin store.

“People are going to think I’m holding you hostage,” Jade comments.

It’s late afternoon and she’s stretched out on the sofa while Tori’s curled up in the armchair, invested in something on her PearPad Mini.

“I just don’t feel like going out.”

“You don’t feel like going out at all or you don’t feel like going out alone because you’re a big chicken?”

Tori frowns at her. “I’m not a chicken!”

“Okay, so,” Jade flips around so she’s hanging over the arm of the couch as she talks to Tori. “Let’s go do something.”

“Don’t you have any board games?”

“I hate games.”

“No,” Tori shakes her head. “You hate losing.”

“Are you telling me what I do and don’t hate?”

“Are you telling me I’m wrong?”

Knowing Tori’s actually kind of right, Jade avoids the question. “Come out with me.”

“Where?”

“A Satanic dance club.” Jade watches Tori’s face for a reaction, but she doesn’t really get one. “Really? Nothing?”

“You won’t let me carry anything over five pounds. I doubt you actually plan to take me devil dancing.”

“Fine. Marie’s Crisis.”

“Wait, who’s Marie? Is she okay?”

“You don’t know Marie’s Crisis?”

“Okay, I really have no idea what you’re saying.”

“Do you trust me?”

“This feels like a loaded question.” Tori lowers her PearPad and focuses on Jade. “But, yes.”

Jade’s eyebrow peaks. “Really?”

“It’s not like I can’t tell if you’re trying to set me up to be humiliated.”

“I’m losing my edge. Anyway, be ready by seven. We’ll get dinner and go to the bookstore, then we’ll go to the bar.”

“What am I supposed to do at a bar?”

“Trust. Me.”

At the bookstore, Tori buys a copy of _What to Expect When You’re Expecting_ but it’s a huge book and Jade refuses to let Tori lug it around in her purse, so it ends up in Jade’s bag.

The bar is actually a tiny piano bar in a West Village basement.

“This is like time travel,” Tori says, taking in the sight of the piano nestled against the far wall. There are no televisions, no digital screens, just a small bar along the back of the space and a group of patrons huddled around the pianist.

Jade leads her to a corner spot. “Stay here.”

“Where are you--” But Jade’s already out of earshot. She returns a few minutes later, two drinks in hand.

“Club soda and lime?”

“Thanks. You were right. This place is really great.”

“I know.” Jade smirks at her over the top of her glass.

The space fills up quickly and there really isn’t room for personal space. There’s only one stool where they’re standing and Jade refuses to sit, even when Tori insists.

“You’ve been standing for, like, an hour.”

“So? Do you want to sing, or what?”

“Will you sing with me?”

“I guess.”

The second Jade agrees, Tori’s up off her stool and pushing through the crowd, toward the piano, dragging Jade behind her. “Hey, my friend and I would like to sing something.”

“You need the book?” asks the piano man. “Or do you have something specific in mind?”

“Surprise us.”

Jade’s impressed that Tori’s acting so boldly. Not because it isn’t in her personality, but because she’s been such a homebody all week.

The strains of _Take Me or Leave Me_ from RENT begin to fill the small space.

Tori’s quick to jump on the song, taking the Maureen role and leaving Jade to sing Joanne’s part. It’s fun, because they haven’t performed together in years, but this is such a familiar number that it’s easy and seamless and, by the end, the whole bar is applauding their performance. Though, they also clapped for the extremely drunk guy who butchered Music of the Night. But this feels good.

As they pass the mics back to the pianist, Jade catches that he says, “It’s an honor, Ms. Vega,” to Tori. He’s discreet about it, but it immediately makes Jade a little nervous that other people might catch on.

There’s not much to worry about though, because Tori stifles a yawn and it’s a sign that maybe they should head home. It’s a short walk back to the apartment and, once they’re home, Tori gives Jade a tight hug.

“Thank you.”

Jade thinks it’s stupid the way she can’t not smell Tori’s hair as they embrace. Like, it’s not an active choice she’s making. It just smells really good. “It’s nothing. I just don’t want you becoming an old cat lady.”

They say goodnight and Jade drops her bag on the floor, next to her bed. The loud clunk reminds her that Tori’s huge book is still inside, so she takes it out and flips through it. It’s a lot of damn information about pregnancy.

She has nothing better to do, so she flips to the section about the second trimester and takes a look. At least she’ll have a heads up on whatever weird shit Tori’s bound to do over the next month or so that she’s staying in New York.

The next morning is like all the rest have been during the week, but Jade manages to wake up before ten, so when she shuffles through the living room toward the kitchen, Tori’s in the middle of brewing coffee. Jade leans in the doorframe and watches, her brain slowly pulling up some information she read the night before.

“You better not be drinking more than a cup a day,” she comments.

Tori looks back at her. “A cup of what?”

“Coffee. Too much caffeine is bad for the baby.”

The coffee maker sputters as it brews behind Tori. “I don’t drink coffee. Not like you do, anyway.” She makes a point to dip her herbal tea bag at least twice into the steaming cup she’s holding before dropping the bag into the trash can.

“But you make it every morning.” Jade walks over to the machine and pulls the glass pitcher out from underneath the spout where the fresh coffee’s dripping and quickly slips a cup under it. She can’t bother waiting for the whole thing to brew, because Tori’s not making any sense.

“Because it makes you, like, five percent more human if it’s ready when you finally roll out of bed.”

Jade rubs her hand over her eyes. “So you’re saying you make coffee in the morning but you don’t ever drink any?”

“Yep.”

“That’s stupid.” Jade’s cup is almost full by now, so she replaces the glass carafe back under the machine. She dumps the right amount of sugar in her cup and takes a drink, even though it’s too hot. It’s okay. A little pain in the morning is almost as good as the coffee itself.

“I don’t think it’s stupid to do something nice for someone. Especially when it’s guaranteed to make them less crabby.”

“I like being crabby.”

“Fine, I’ll stop making it.”

“No.” Now that Jade’s downed about half the cup, her brain is actually processing information. “It’s… thanks.” She leans against the counter so she’s next to Tori, side by side. “It’s been a while since someone’s cared if I’m nice in the morning.”

“Aw, you’re never nice in the morning.” And then, for some reason Jade can’t understand, even with the caffeine beginning to course through her system, Tori kisses her on the cheek. “But you’re okay.” It’s friendly, if anything. There’s nothing to read into it.

Jade just keeps looking forward, both hands wrapped around her mug. “You’re the only one who thinks that.”

“Maybe. Hey, do you have my book?”

“Yeah, it’s in my room. Spoiler alert, your baby is the size of a navel orange.”

“Ooo, oranges.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let me take a shower, then we can go.”


	5. 4

During her second week staying with Jade, Tori wakes up to a figure standing over her. Naturally, she screams.

“Oh my god, stop. It’s just me.” It’s Jade’s voice and, as Tori’s eyes adjust to the dim light, she makes out the familiar outline of her roommate.

“Why are you trying to scare me to death?”

“Why are you sleeping on the couch? It’s not that comfortable.”

“There was a fight in front of that bar across the street. A couple was shouting at each other and they wouldn’t stop. So I came out here.”

“Welcome to New York.” Jade’s quiet for a moment. “I don’t hear anything now. Except for the music.”

“Yeah, that’s the other thing. The live bands are… loud.”

Jade pushes Tori’s feet out of the way so she can sit down.“Did it bother you this much last week?”

Tori shrugs, though it’s so dark, she doesn’t even think Jade can see it. “Not really. I was still tired and adjusting to the time change, I think.”

“Do you want to switch rooms?” Jade’s room is located away from the street and doesn’t have any bar facing windows.

“I can’t kick you out of your bedroom.”

“Yeah, that would be really bitchy of you.”

“I’m fine out here.”

“Bullshit.” Jade stands back up. Tori thinks maybe she’s made her mad, but then there’s a warm hand grasping her own. “Come on.”

“Seriously, I’m not going to force you out of your room.”

“I know. We’ll share the bed tonight and figure something out tomorrow.”

“But--”

“Tori.”

“Fine.”

Jade’s bed is a queen, so there’s plenty of room for both of them. “Okay?” Jade asks, settling into her side.

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“Thank me by being quiet and going to sleep.”

Tori’s fine to oblige and, within minutes, she’s dozed off. When she wakes, the sun is peeking through the dark curtains. There’s a strong arm draped over her and it’s a wonderful, secure feeling that she immediately realizes isn’t supposed to be happening.

She tries to crane her head to look over her shoulder, but that just leads to a tighter embrace around her as Jade moves in her sleep. It’s been months since anyone’s held Tori like this, let alone as she’s woken up, so she allows herself to lie there and enjoy it. With the morning light in the room, she isn’t really feeling much like falling asleep, so she squints to try and see the photos on the wall. Without her glasses or contacts, she wouldn’t usually be able to make out the details on any of the pictures, but she knows a few of them are from high school and, between having been there when they were taken and seeing them when she first looked around Jade’s room, Tori’s familiar enough to know what’s in front of her.

The private Kesha concert. A cast photo of the narcoleptic astronaut play. The premiere of Death Puppet.

Tori still remembers that night so vividly. It doesn’t feel like it was eight years ago.

* * *

_“What if they hate it?”_

_“They won’t.”_

_Jade’s been pacing outside the black box for twenty minutes. There are three other shorts running before hers and she’s been too anxious to sit through them. Tori leans against the wall, letting her girlfriend pass back and forth in front of her._

_“What if they don’t get it?”_

_“They will.”_

_“But some of them are idiots.”_

_“Okay… that’s not really the greatest way to think about your audience. But I think even the ones who can’t figure out the plot will still be scared and scream at all the right parts.”_

_“You think so?”_

_“Yes.”_

_Jade stops in front of her. “God, why am I so nervous? This isn’t my first film.”_

_Tori hooks two fingers in the belt on Jade’s skirt. “You spent a month working on the script. And you fought for every choice you thought was right the weekend you shot the movie. Then you stayed up until three morning every night for a week, editing your footage.” She pulls Jade closer. “You’re nervous because this is the hardest you’ve worked on anything. But I’m telling you, and not just because I’m your girlfriend, that it’s really, really good. And terrifying.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“It’s given me at least three nightmares.”_

_Jade’s lips turn up in a smile and it’s the subtle, genuine kind, which is rare on her. “I love you.”_

_“Seriously, one was last ni-- Wait.” Tori blushes as she realizes what’s just happened. She’s slightly tongue-tied in the moment, so she leans in to kiss Jade and when she pulls back, she happily sighs, “I love you, too.”_

_“Good. Now tell me more about this nightmare to keep my mind of these stupid nerves.”_

* * *

At some point during the memory, Tori falls back to sleep. She wakes up, maybe a half hour later, just as Jade rolls over to face the other direction.

Tori wonders if that means she’s awake. And if she realizes what’s just happened.

“Jade?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you awake?”

“No.”

“But you’re--”

“We don’t have to talk about it.”

Maybe that’s the best response to this. So, they spooned. It’s no big deal. They were asleep and it was probably like some kind of muscle memory.

“Yeah, sure.” Tori’s awake now, anyway, so she eases out of bed, leaving Jade to sleep an extra hour later, as usual.

She brushes her teeth and washes her face, then heads for the kitchen to make her morning herbal tea and read the LA Times on her PearPad. After she’s read all the top stories, she starts a fresh pot of coffee for Jade. As it brews, she checks the entertainment section and there’s a story about Chester Fields getting engaged to his new girlfriend.

Tori wonders if she’s pregnant.

By the time Jade sleepily staggers across the living room toward the kitchen to collect her coffee, Tori’s sitting with her head in her hands, sniffling as she fights tears.

“Are you…” Jade stops before she even reaches the coffee maker. “Okay, if this is because of what happened earlier, it’s not a big deal. It doesn’t mean anything. Also, it’s not even that upsetting.” Tori rolls her eyes and shoves the PearPad across the counter. As the screen lights back up, Jade scans the article. “Oh, gross. Seriously.” She shakes her head and pours herself a cup of coffee. “He’s disgusting. You’re better off here. And Trina is more famous than that bitch.”

Tori takes a breath and manages a nod. “Thank you.”

Things are back to normal, after that.

Later in the afternoon, Tori buys earplugs from the drugstore. If she can’t hear the bar across the street, she’ll be able to sleep in her own room, just fine. When she’s ready for bed, they seem to work. She drifts off to sleep easily enough. But around one in the morning, she wakes up after a terrible nightmare. It’s vivid enough that she needs to go find Jade, just to make sure everything is okay.

“Jade?” she asks, slowly pushing the door open. There’s no response. Using the light of her PearPhone, Tori squints to look for Jade.

She’s right where she should be, snoring lightly in the center of her bed.

That should be enough. Verifying Jade’s living, breathing existence after that horrible dream should put Tori at ease. But it doesn’t. She pads over to the side of the bed and sits down, gently placing a hand on Jade’s arm. Still, Jade continues to sleep, twisted (as ever) on kind of her side but also her back, in a position Tori can’t quite make out.

For whatever reason, Tori decides the best course of action is to climb under the covers and tuck herself next to Jade. She doesn’t plan to stay for long. If Jade wakes up, she’ll explain about the dream and the fact that it really shook her up.

Except she’s so comfortable that she almost immediately falls asleep. When she wakes, it’s morning. And Jade’s looking at her.

“So… you weren’t here when I went to bed, last night.”

“I… I wasn’t supposed to be here, now.” Tori pulls the pillow over her face, but Jade tugs it away.

“You snuck into my room and into my bed.”

“I didn’t sneak. You’re just a very sound sleeper.”

“You know, I haven’t had my coffee yet, so I’m not responsible for my actions, right now. Like if I wanted to pummel you with this pillow.”

Tori puts a hand up, though Jade hasn’t even moved. “I had a really messed up dream and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“And you needed to get in bed with me to do that?”

“Kind of.”

Jade’s quiet for a moment and Tori’s almost sure it’s because she’s fallen back asleep, but then she speaks back up. “Do you think you’ll be having more of them?”

“The dreams? I don’t know.”

“I’m just asking so I can prepare myself if I have to wake up next to your goofy face in the morning.”

“My face is fine.”

“Eh, it’s okay.”

They lie there, trying not to look at each other and it just feel like getting up is probably the best, most logical, least awkward step. Tori casually gets out of bed and moves for the kitchen, the way she does every morning. She starts the coffee, turns on the hot water for her tea, takes a few minutes to use the restroom and brush her teeth. It’s a regular morning. Basically. Practically. Almost.

When she returns to the kitchen, Jade’s stalking around the space, waiting for the coffee to finish and the second it’s ready, she pours herself a cup. It’s silence, but it’s peaceful. Kind of. Tori prepares her tea and takes her usual seat at the counter.

Then Jade says, “If you wanted to sleep in bed with me, you could have just said something.”

“I wasn’t planning…” But Tori considers the last couple of nights. She’s slept better than she has in weeks. “Would it be weird? If I wanted to do that, like, regularly?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“But I’m okay with weird.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because there’s an alien growing inside of you.”

Tori’s hands cover her stomach. “They’re not an alien.”

“Okay, but,” Jade sits so she’s across the counter from Tori. She doesn’t normally hang around this long with her coffee. “Would you rather have an alien or a kid who turns out like Trina?”

“This baby will be nothing like Trina!” Honestly, that’s more offensive than the alien comment.

“Relax, Vega. Wow, your eyes even did the crazy thing.”

Tori pulls off her glasses and tries to clean them with her shirt. “They don’t do a crazy thing.”

“They definitely do. One gets kind of squinty and then it’s a super intense stare. It’s almost scary.”

“Why are you stressing out a pregnant woman?”

“You’re fine.” But Jade lays off the comments about the alien slash Trina baby and quietly finishes her coffee. She rises to pour another cup and, instead of finally disappearing into her room, she sits right back down. “Can I ask you something?”

“You never ask me if you can ask me something. What’s happening?” Tori slips her glasses back on, then side-eyes Jade.

“This is why I’m never nice to you, because you start acting strange.”

“What’s your question?”

“Why did you decide to have this kid? It barely made sense when you and Lester were together. And now it’s just you.”

“It’s not always about career for everyone. I know you’ve always been super focused on getting your work out there and… I love what I do, I definitely do. But I also want a family. Even with Trina around, I had a pretty good childhood. And I think I’d be a good mom.”

Jade makes a face. “Yeah. You’ll be one of those super great moms who brags about her kid and goes to PTA meetings.”

“That’s not a bad thing.”

“It’s not. It’s just not my mom.”

“Well, I’m not trying to be your mom.”

“Good, because this alien baby needs a mom who actually shows up to school plays and obnoxiously shouts something embarrassing about how that’s her baby on stage.”

“I wouldn’t do that. I’d tweet about it.”

That’s enough to make Jade at least chuckle into her coffee cup. “I wasn’t trying to say that I don’t think you can do this. I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t been brainwashed by Chuck to be in some kind of baby cult.”

“Aw, you believe in me.”

“I’m going to take a shower.”

“Already? It’s not even noon.”

“Shut up.”


	6. 5

It’s been about a week and a half of Tori sharing Jade’s bed. Really, it’s more like a sleepover than anything. Except for the part where they almost always wake up with one wrapped around the other, despite the specific effort to fall asleep on their respective sides of the bed.

Jade’s toyed with the idea of sleeping on the couch but she’s also incredibly fond of her bed, as well as the dark curtains in her bedroom. Plus, it’s not the worst thing in the world to wake up that close to someone. Especially Tori.

But then, the fact that she feels good about waking up next to Tori makes Jade nervous.

This whole living situation is supposed to be a favor, a chance to help a friend.

Speaking of favors, they’re lying in bed and Tori’s just brought something up. Because of their shared sleeping arrangement, this has become a prime time for conversation.

“Do you… think you could go with me?” Tori has a prenatal check-up the next day and it’s her first visit to the doctor in New York. “You don’t have to be in the room or anything, I just would feel better if someone--”

“-- yeah. I’ll go.”

“You will?”

“Yes.” Jade loves going to doctor’s offices. There’s always a chance of coming across something bizarre, either in a jar or growing on someone’s body. “I’ll even go in the room, if you want me there. Especially if they’re going to do weird baby test experiments on you.”

“Actually, they’re supposed to do the one that checks for…” Tori tries to recall the specific examination. “It’s called the… okay, I hate that I can’t remember anything, right now.”

“Quad screen test,” Jade mumbles, trying to get comfortable on her pillow.

“That’s it! How do you know that?”

“Because you always leave your big pregnancy book sitting around and I’m forced to read it.”

“No one’s forcing you to read it.”

“Goodnight.”

“Jade?”

“What?”

“The appointment’s at nine-thirty.”

“A.M.?”

“Yes. They don’t have appointments at night.”

“That’s stupid.”

But that doesn’t keep Jade from dragging herself out of bed in time to accompany Tori to the doctor’s office. She’s had at least three cups of coffee by the time they’re waiting in the exam room and Jade almost feels like she’s awake.

“Will you stop rolling around?” Tori asks. She’s been watching Jade roll back and forth on the padded stool.

“No.”

Tori’s arms are crossed around her chest. “It’s making me seasick.”

“You’re not even on a boat.” But Jade stops herself from moving and peers at the controls on the ultrasound machine.

“Don’t touch that.”

Jade pouts, then picks up one of the probes that’s hooked onto the side of the machine. This one, in particular, is designed for internal use. Her eyebrow peaks as she studies the long, slender shaft of the thing. “What do you suppose they do with this?”

“Jade!” Tori’s immediately flushes as she glances toward the door. “Put it back!”

That’s enough to send Jade into her Southern Belle Tori voice. “Well, your mind is just filthy, isn’t it?”

“I don’t even know this doctor. I don’t want to get in trouble.” She sits up and reaches for the instrument in Jade’s hand, but the exam table is so high that it’s easy for Jade to roll out of reach.

“You’re not even touching anything. And maybe this is some kind of new magic ultrasound.” Jade waves the device like a wand. “ _Accio_ , baby!” She looks expectantly at the monitor. “Huh. Guess not.”

“We’re not due for our Hogwarts upgrade for another year or so.” It’s the doctor. A very attractive lady doctor, at that.

“That’s unfortunate.” Jade casually places the ultrasound probe back where it came from.

“Sorry about her,” Tori says.

“Don’t accept her apology. I can’t help if I’m curious.”

The doctor, Dr. Burke, according to the silver tag pinned to her lab coat, just smiles warmly. “As long as you didn’t break anything, I think you’re okay. And it’s always nice to see a partner so interested in what’s happening.”

“Oh, she’s not…” Tori glances at Jade.

Jade jumps in. “I’m just here for moral support. And to totally embarrass her in front of any hot doctors.”

“Oh god.”

“Well, it’s great that you’re here for her. I, however, am going to need that stool.” Dr. Burke nods to where Jade’s sitting.

“It’s all yours.” Jade stands and casually slides the seat toward the doctor. There’s a chair on the other side of the exam table, so she drops into it and leans back, arms over her chest.

“So, you’re at about seventeen weeks. And this is your first visit to my office.”

“Yeah, I was in Los Angeles for my previous appointments. You were recommended by Dr. Evans.”

To be honest, Jade’s kind of bored by all the doctor/patient pleasantries and she tunes out until the words blood test are mentioned. “What was that?”

“It’s nothing to worry about,” Dr. Burke explains. “We draw a little of her blood and do the standard screening. You’ll have the results emailed to you by tomorrow afternoon. But first we’ll do the ultrasound.” As the tech preps the machine, Dr. Burke resumes the medical small talk with Tori. “Now that you’re well into your second trimester, have you had any issues with lingering morning sickness?”

“Not really. It basically stopped once I moved out here, which was a few weeks ago.”

“Good. Any major changes in libido?”

“Um,” Tori glance at Jade, but then she answers. “Not really? Is that something that’s going to be noticeable if I’m not really… seeing anyone?”

“Sure,” Dr. Burke nods. “Though it may manifest as dreams or just general urges. It’s healthy, if and when it does happen, whether that means a decrease or increase in your regular sex drive. There’s a lot happening with your hormone levels, so just be aware that it’s common.”

Tori’s stomach is then exposed and covered in gel, which makes her bristle.

“Does it hurt?” It’s actually concern, not delight, in Jade’s voice.

“Cold,” Tori explains.

“Sorry, it’s supposed to be room temperature, but the A/C really screws with that.” Dr. Burke glides one of the ultrasound probes, not the one Jade was waving around earlier, over Tori’s skin. Immediately, there’s an image on the screen.

“Holy chiz, it really does look like an alien,” Tori says, staring at the monitor.

Jade’s fascinated with the picture she’s seeing. “And it’s growing inside of you.” That seems to freak Tori out a little, because she whips her head around to face Jade and her expression is concerned. “Relax. It’s cool.” She reaches up and takes Tori’s hand. “Promise.”

Tori nods. It’s obvious she’s a little overwhelmed.

“Do you want to know the gender?” asks Dr. Burke.

“Do I want to know the gender?” Tori asks Jade.

Jade shrugs. “That’s up to you.”

“I think I do. Yeah. Yes.” Tori nods to the doctor.

“You’re having a girl. And it looks like she’s healthy and developing right on schedule.”

Tori’s face breaks out into a huge grin. “A girl. Did you hear that? It’s a little girl alien baby.”

“I heard.” Jade can’t help but laugh at Tori’s excitement.

Dr. Burke prints out a copy of the ultrasound and leaves them alone to wait for the nurse to take the blood sample for the test screening. Tori can’t stop looking at the picture she’s clutching in her hand and Jade has to stand in order to get a good look at it.

“Do you think she looks like me?”

“I think she looks like a cramped up little monkey.”

“I thought she was an alien.”

“Alien monkey.”

A nurse enters. “Tori Vega?” When Tori confirms, the nurse quickly preps her arm for the blood test and fills a small vial with a sample.

Jade watches, intensely. This, though, is less concern for Tori and more a fascination with blood, needles, and the human body. A memory suddenly comes back to her and she laughs.

“Hey, remember that time you had to give Robbie, like, three pints of blood?”

Tori rolls her eyes. “Ugh, how could I forget?” She glances down as the nurse places a band-aid over the needle mark. “I’m still not sure how the hospital managed to lose my blood in the first place.” The blood test is finished and the nurse leaves the room.

“Well,” Jade draws out the word, considering whether or not it’s worth it to come clean. But they’re older now and Tori’s growing a baby inside of her, so maybe it’s time. “They didn’t really lose it so much as someone misplaced it for them.”

Tori’s eyes narrow. “You.” She shakes her head. “Jade! Not only did that screw up my chance to play Steamboat Suzy, but Robbie was seriously in trouble. What if I hadn’t been able to give more blood?”

“But you did and he’s fine. And neither of us got to be in that show, so it all worked out.”

“I just can’t believe you did that.”

“I was still figuring out how to get your attention.”

“You stole my blood.”

“Look, will you feel better if I give you some of mine? I can call the nurse.”

“No.” Tori’s arms are crossed over her chest and she won’t look at Jade. But then she asks, “You wanted my attention?”

“I wanted everyone’s attention. You know that.” This is something they addressed more than once while they were dating. It was just that the blood incident had never actually ever come up.

“Yeah, but you stole my blood and tried to ruin my prome. I was special.”

“Your prom was boring until I brought some life to it with my movie.”

“Prome. You should remember what it was called. You were the queen.”

Jade rolls her eyes. “No. I refused the crown.” She takes a look at the open door to the room. “Are we waiting for someone to come back or…?”

Because of the early appointment time, Tori insists that she treat Jade to breakfast after they leave the doctor’s office. Jade’s not one to refuse any situation that includes free coffee, so they find a diner nearby and indulge in pancakes. The rest of the day isn’t anything spectacular, but when Jade drifts off to sleep that night, she feels like it was, overall, a good one.

She’s starting to wonder if Tori has anything to do with the fact that she’s practically happy.

Or, as happy as Jade West can be. She’s never been sunshine and rainbows, but as she’s gotten a little older, she’s shed elements of her darker, high school persona.

Still, she enjoys the lighter side of tormenting others, so two nights later, when she wakes up to find Tori in the throes of what sounds like a nightmare, Jade can’t help but want to listen. It’s not that she wants Tori to actually suffer, but she can’t resist the desire to know what the dream might be about. It’s hard to tell, though, because Tori’s just kind of groaning as she tosses and turns. After a minute or so, Jade decides it’s probably not a good idea to let a pregnant woman endure unnecessary stress.

“Tori,” she says, softly but firmly. “Tori, wake up.”

“Jade.”

“Yeah, you’re having a n--”

“Jade,” Tori repeats. “Fuck, right there,” she mumbles.

“--ightmare.” Jade’s pierced eyebrow raises and it’s suddenly evident that Tori’s dream isn’t scary. Or, if it is, Tori’s into some twisted stuff. Which, really, Jade’s in no place to judge.

Now, she’s just torn between waking Tori up or maybe carefully sneaking out of the room to give her some privacy. She could also probably just roll over and try to go back to sleep, but it sounds like the dream’s just getting more intense and Jade’s feeling more and more intrusive with every passing second. She opts for a sneaky exit, but as she’s just about to put both feet on the floor, Tori says her name again. And it sounds much more lucid.

“Jade?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

“Sure. Yeah. You just, um, were talking in your sleep. Kind of kept me awake, so I was getting up.”

“Oh. Okay. Sorry.”

“Whatever. It’s not a big deal.” But now Jade doesn’t know if she should still get up or just stay in bed. But then the light on on Tori’s side turns on and Jade’s practically blinded. “Ow, what are you doing?” She turns to see Tori, sitting up.

“I was talking in my sleep? Just now?”

“Yeah.”

Tori peers at Jade through squinty eyes. “What did I say?”

“I don’t know. My name. Some other stuff.” Jade’s eyes are still adjusting to the light, but she can see the slight shade of pink creeping across Tori’s cheeks. “Why are you so worried about it?”

“I’m not. It was just… I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Now that Tori’s awake and clearly embarrassed about her sex dream, Jade feels better about the possibility of teasing her about it. “Maybe you could moan a little more quietly, next time.”

“Oh my god.” Tori’s face is in her hands.

“If it makes you feel better, I thought you were having a nightmare, at first, and I just wanted to watch.”

“You were going to let me suffer?”

“It was maybe a minute. And then I tried to wake you up, but then you started saying my name and, whatever Dream Me was doing sounded pretty effective.”

Tori covers her head with a pillow. “I cannot believe this.”

“Relax, it’s not a big deal.” Jade shrugs, trying to reassure Tori. “It’s kind of flattering, actually.”

“I don’t have them all the time or anything.”

“But you might. Didn’t the doctor say it’s common? The book says the same thing.”

“It’s common to have in increase in libido, not to mortify yourself in bed next to your ex-girlfriend.”

“Don’t you think it would have been worse if we hadn’t dated? Or if we were strangers?”

“I wouldn’t be in your bed if we were strangers.”

“Please, if we’d just met tonight, you don’t think I could have gotten you up here?” Jade bats her eyelashes at Tori and leans forward just enough to highlight her cleavage in the tank top she’s wearing.

“This isn’t helping.”

“I’m just trying to say that you shouldn’t be this wound up about it. So, you had a sex dream. You’re probably going to have a lot more.”

Tori gets out of the bed, collecting her glasses and phone off the nightstand. “You’re right.”

“Where are you going?”

“I should sleep in the other room. It’ll be less awkward if this happens again.”

“That’s not what I was trying to--” It’s Jade’s turn to cover her face with a pillow, though this out of frustration instead of embarrassment. But she lets Tori go. There’s no point in stopping her.

The next morning, Tori looks less rested than usual. She’s grumpy, too, because she’s muttering at the plastic bear full of honey as she squeezes it over her cup of tea.

“Whoa, Vega. What’d the poor guy ever do to you?”

“He’s taking too long.”

Tori spends the morning shuffling around the apartment, restless. Any time Jade tries to talk to her, though, she insists everything is fine.

Jade decides to be proactive and makes a stop on her way home from her afternoon story meeting. She presents Tori with a discreet black plastic bag.

“What is this?”

“Something to help with your… situation.”

Tori’s excited about getting a gift, but she stops short once she’s pulled the item out of the bag. “Jade, this is a… vibrator.”

“I know. It has adjustable speeds, because I know you… um… sometimes need that.” This didn’t seem that weird when she got the idea. Tori needs to relieve some sexual tension and, as a friend, she thought it was helpful. But now, the fact that she has specific knowledge about what Tori prefers when she’s trying to get off… well, that’s possibly awkward.

“You can’t give me a vibrator.”

“Okay. Sorry. I’ll take it back.” Jade reaches out for the plastic package in Tori’s hand, but it’s immediately snatched out of reach.

“No!” Tori’s quick to blush once she realizes that she just yanked the thing away from Jade. “I… appreciate it. I didn’t bring anything with me, because it didn’t seem important. But… I’m definitely going a little crazy.”

“Okay.” Jade sighs, relieved. “And you don’t have to sleep alone. Just… you know… take care of things before bed and maybe you’ll sleep through the night.”

“Do you think it works that way?”

“I guess we’ll find out.”

Turns out, it doesn’t.

That first night, Tori’s too tired to even think about masturbation. She falls asleep before ten, while Jade’s still watching the end of a bad SyFy channel movie. The next night, it seems she’s already sound asleep when Jade slips under the covers around midnight. But after the lights go out and Jade lies there for maybe fifteen minutes, she feels the mattress shift and then there’s the sound of Tori walking across the room, out into the living room, and into the far bedroom. The door clicks shut.

Jade chuckles to herself. “Finally,” she mutters, then sighs deeply as she tries to get comfortable. She’s still awake when Tori returns, not even ten minutes later, but she resists making any smart ass comments and just focuses on trying to fall asleep. She’s almost there when there’s more movement on the bed, then the same footsteps and the other bedroom door shutting closed.

A glance at the clock shows that it’s been maybe a half an hour since Tori came back the first time. Jade tries to recall if it was common for Tori to want to go again after a round of sex. That’s dangerous, though, because it leaves Jade remembering just how much she enjoyed her teenage sex life with her high school girlfriend. She’s obviously dated since then, but Tori was always… Tori. As much work as Jade’s done in her own life not not idealize one of her earliest relationships, there’s something about a person who never fails to call her on her bullshit but also genuinely gives a crap about her well being.

She’s caught up in a memory, one from even before she and Tori ever dated of the time Jade was putting up her first original play, when the bed dips and Tori’s crawling back under the covers. Again, she doesn’t comment, because she’s mentally half-buried in nostalgia, as well as really being ready to fall asleep.

But when she feels Tori move to get out of bed a third time, that’s it.

“Tori!”

There’s a scream from the other woman, but Jade’s too annoyed to laugh. She’s trying to sleep and this is ridiculous.

“You scared the chiz out of me.”

Jade switches on the lamp. “What are you doing?”

“I’m… doing what we talked about.”

“No, we talked about you doing whatever you need to do and then going the fuck to sleep.” Jade rubs at her face. She doesn’t really mean to swear at Tori, not over this. But, come on.

Tori’s quiet as she sits on the end of the bed, staring at the sheets. “You’re going to make fun of me.”

“No, I’m not. Or… okay, I can’t make that promise, because I don’t know what you’re about to say and it might be hilarious.” Jade nudges at Tori’s leg with her foot. “You can tell me.”

“It’s…” Tori rubs a hand over her stomach. She’s starting to show, though the rest of her body looks almost identical to the way it always has. “It’s not working. When I try to… take care of things.”

“Oh. They had one with a separate remote. Do you think that would help?”

“It’s not the damn sex toy, it’s me.”

“Maybe you’re not in the mood?”

“No, I am. Like… every time I lie down, it’s almost like an immediate sex dream. But when I try to handle it… I just don’t feel… I don’t know. Sexy?”

“I don’t think The Pink Lady is particularly discriminate about your overall feelings.”

“The vibrator is fine. It works. And for a minute, it seems like everything’s… under control. But then I feel… really unattractive and it kind of fizzles out.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Thanks, that really helps.”

Jade pushes the sheets away and moves closer to Tori. “You’ve always been unfairly attractive, even when you should look ridiculous. It’s stupid.”

That puts a small smile on Tori’s face. “Thanks. I think.”

“We need to figure out a solution to this, otherwise I’m going to kill you if you keep getting in and out of bed a hundred times a night.”

“The death threats really help make me feel better.”

Jade has an idea, but it’s absolutely insane. That’s never stopped her before. “Do you think it might make a difference if you had help?”

“Help with what?”

“Uh, I don’t know, the thing we’ve been talking about for this entire conversation?”

“You already bought me a vibrator. What else could you d-- _Oh_.”

“It’s not like we haven’t.”

“But will that make things weird?”

“Maybe,” Jade admits. “But we could… have some rules about it.”

“Like?” To Tori’s credit, she seems very open to this suggestion.

“Well, this is really just a physical release for you, so what do you think it would take?”

“I don’t know.”

“What were you dreaming about?” Jade asks. She wants to do what she can for Tori. Also, she’s curious about the dream situation. “The night I tried to wake you up.”

“Oh, uh… it was actually about that time at the winter cabin. When I snuck into your sleeping bag after everyone else was asleep.”

Jade leans back against the headboard. She remembers that weekend clearly. “Right. You basically mounted me and we couldn’t really make any noise because we didn’t want to wake anyone up. Though, you were definitely not being quiet the other night.”

Tori shrugs. “Our dream friends didn’t seem to notice.”

“Do you think that would work for you? Right now?”

“I can’t just do that.”

“Why not? If you can’t sleep, that’s not good for the kid.”

“You’d… be willing to?”

“Well, I’m definitely not suggesting we ask a neighbor.” Jade pats her lap. “Come on. Just see if it helps. If it’s way too weird, we’ll make a pact to forget this ever happened.”

Tori climbs across the bed and hesitantly settles on top of Jade, straddling her thighs. “How’s this?”

“It’s… okay.” As confident as Jade just sounded in convincing Tori this could be pretty straightforward, she’s hit with a flutter of nerves once Tori’s warm body is pressed against her own.

Tori looks down at her and Jade internally curses the fact that she’s wearing her glasses, because it’s entirely unfair. “What are the rules?”

Rules. Yes. Those are what keep this from becoming a huge mess. “Clothes stay on? We don’t talk about it.”

“That sounds fair,” Tori replies with a nod. “Um, what about kissing?”

Kissing. Jade feels like she could absolutely kiss Tori right now. “It might make things more complicated.”

“Okay, no kissing.”

Jade nods. “Just… you know… do what you need to do.” Tori’s already responding to their position, because she’s getting a little friction from any movement Jade makes beneath her. “Do you want the light off?”

“Yeah.”

They’re dipped into darkness and Jade feels Tori’s arms resting on her shoulders as the woman on top of her grinds against her lap. There’s warm breath against her ear and it quickly picks up to a more rapid pace. Jade slips her arms around Tori’s waist and rocks with her, not particularly worried about herself. This position doesn’t really grant her that much relief, anyway. Not physically. That doesn’t stop it from being a huge turn on.

The dreams and hormones probably have had Tori on edge the last couple of days, because, within a couple of minutes, she’s already gasping and clinging to Jade as she comes. For Tori, Jade knows that’s uncommon, because she usually needs… well, definitely more than what just happened.

“Better?” Jade asks, once Tori’s still. Her face is pressed against Tori’s neck and it’s instinct to drag her lips over the smooth bare skin.

“Yes, actually,” is the reply as Tori nods, then lifts herself off of Jade and settles back onto her side of the bed.

“Good.” Jade waits for Tori to get comfortable, then she drapes an arm across her. It’s quickly met with Tori pulling it even more tightly around her.

It’s just sex. Barely sex, really.

But it feels like more than that.


	7. 6

The rules are: It’s just for Tori. No kissing. No nudity. They don’t talk about it.

Tori, admittedly, feels much better. Last night’s… interaction… left her sleeping soundly and, this morning, she’s back to her happy, energetic self.

Jade, on the other hand, is grumpier than usual. She doesn’t say anything when she pours her morning coffee and she quickly vanishes back into the bedroom until she emerges later to take an extra long shower.

After that, she seems to be in a better mood.

There have been plenty of times in life when Tori’s had no clue about what’s happening. But when it comes to Jade plus grumpiness plus sex, she’s had enough experience to know how those pieces fit together.

She’s grateful to Jade for offering a solution, especially one that only benefits Tori. And it’s funny how, once upon a time, Tori’s comfort was buried at the bottom of any list Jade might have about things that were important to her. All of this, the (kind of) sex, the apartment, the chance to get away… Tori knows this is Jade reaching out, wanting to be friends, wanting to make up for the last several years when they drifted apart.

* * *

When they first broke up, that summer before college, everything still felt hopeful. Tori looked forward to the almost nightly Skype conversations with Jade, the ridiculous SnapChat conversations (usually stemmed by one of them sending a photo to the other of some random person who was doing something annoying/funny/gross), and even the occasional sexting. They were geographically separated, but they were still together. Even if they weren’t together together.

But with college life came life in college and once the second semester kicked in, they already had new friends, papers to write, group projects to put together, songs to records, scenes to shoot… and by the following summer, they were maybe communicating once a week through some kind of social media.

It was Jade who first brought up the fact she might be seeing someone. Like, in a dating kind of way. So, when Tori was asked out by a super cute senior guy in her songwriting workshop, she felt it was okay to say yes.

* * *

_“Oh.” That’s Jade’s entire response and she’s doesn’t say anything else for a full minute. This is their first Skype conversation in weeks and it’s mostly dead air. “That’s cool.”_

_Tori can’t see what Jade’s doing below the lower half of the frame, but she hears the repeated snipping of scissors against paper. “He’s really nice.”_

_“Great.”_

_“How’s… sorry, what’s her name?”_

_“Who?”_

_“That girl. The one you said wanted to go for coffee.”_

_“Emily.”_

_“That’s right. How’d it go?”_

_“Fine.”_

_“Well, that’s good.”_

_“I guess.”_

_“Do y--”_

_“Hey, I have a quiz on cinematography in the morning, so I really need to review before I go to bed.”_

_“Oh, sure. Have a good night.”_

_“Yeah. Goodnight.”_

_It’s the last time they video chat. Not really on purpose. At least, not from Tori’s perspective. But with rehearsals and studio time and landing a record deal before she’s even halfway through her sophomore year of college? She’s just busy._

* * *

That night, she can tell Jade’s waiting for a signal as to whether or not Tori needs any assistance with her hormones. And she does, definitely. It’s honestly embarrassing to be this worked up, every single night. She wasn’t even this hard up for sex when she was a teenager.

“So…?” Jade inquires, sitting crosslegged on the bed.

Tori nods. “If you’re okay with it.”

“Stop asking me that.”

“It wasn’t really a question.”

“You know what I mean. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.”

That’s true and Tori knows it. “Right. Sorry.”

“Do you want the same th--” Jade’s rendered silent by Tori putting her fingers over her mouth.

“Lie back.” She drops her hand down to the center of Jade’s chest and lightly pushes her back toward the pillows.

“O… kay.” There’s a twitch in Jade’s lips, like she’s trying hard not to smirk. Probably because Tori’s exercising her dominant side and that often amuses her.

Jade’s propped up by the pillows behind her and Tori positions herself similar to the previous night, only she’s straddling just one leg, not two. This means she’s putting a little pressure right between Jade’s thighs. It also means that twitching suppression of a smirk quickly changes to slightly parted lips as Jade draws in a long breath.

Tori’s hips move against Jade’s thigh. Last night, there was a definite double barrier of boxer shorts and pajama bottoms between both of them. Tonight, it’s just Tori’s yoga pants against Jade’s leg and Jade’s thin black cotton shorts against Tori’s own thigh. With a strong grip on the headboard, Tori has good control over her movements, rocking steadily against Jade.

For a moment, she feels like she should ask if this is acceptable, but then Jade’s hands grip Tori’s hips and it’s clear that this should definitely continue. There’s even a conscious effort from Jade to angle her leg, just right, so Tori has just the right amount of friction. This endeavor lasts maybe twice as long as the night before, but even then, it’s been just over five minutes when Tori’s head drops forward to Jade’s shoulder, body shuddering. As she comes down from her climax, she hears Jade’s labored breathing in her ear and wonders if she should try to continue. But then Jade is already gently rolling them over so they’re lying on their sides, face to face.

“Are you sure you don’t want to keep going?” Tori asks.

“Did you need to?”

“I don’t, but--”

“Then it’s fine,” Jade insists. It’s only when she reaches over to shut off the lamp that Tori realizes the lights were on the whole time.

She’s tired, because it’s after ten and because of the energy she just exerted, so Tori’s bordering on sleep after a few minutes. But she does notice that Jade gets out of bed, then returns several minutes later.

This happens again, two nights later, which is also the next night they engage in another round of teenage-style dry humping. Tori gets it. Jade’s not getting off while they’re together, because it’s supposed to benefit Tori.

But Tori decides that’s a stupid rule. And it gets her thinking about the rest of the list. No kissing. No nudity.

She’s alone in the apartment when she delves into this analysis and by the time Jade returns from her writing group, Tori’s curled up on the couch, in tears.

“Oh god, what happened? Are you okay?” Jade’s immediately at her side, concern reflecting in her eyes. “Is it the baby?”

Tori shakes her head. “It’s not the baby.” She wipes at her eyes with a tissue, but it’s already damp and pressed into a tight ball. Jade hands her a fresh one. “It’s…” As Tori thinks about it, it just makes her burst into tears, again.

“What? Is it Chauncey? Did he call and say something?” Jade shrugs her bag of her shoulder and she kneels in front of Tori, a consoling hand on her arm.

“No, it’s…” She makes a face. “God, no. It’s not him.”

“Well, you’re scaring the hell out of me, so what’s wrong?”

“You… don’t want to see me naked.” That brings on more tears.

“I… what? When were you naked?”

“That’s what I mean! You don’t want me to undress in front of you, because I’m--“

“--Okay, whatever word you’re about to use, I guarantee it’s wrong.” Jade places the entire box of tissues next to Tori. “Are you talking about the sex?”

Tori nods. “You want me to stay dressed because you can’t stand looking at me. And then you leave the room, because you can’t stand to get off with me.”

“Tori. Oh my god.” Jade presses her hand over her face. “No. I… We said no nudity because it was supposed to keep it uncomplicated.” She looks back up at Tori, but then focuses on the back of the couch. “And… I leave the room because I’m so worked up from watching you and I don’t want to just jerk off in front of you.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” Jade lifts herself up onto the couch so she’s sitting next to Tori. “What brought all this on to the point where you’re in here wailing like a damn Shakespearean tragedy?” She brushes Tori’s hair back behind her shoulder.

“I wasn’t wailing,” Tori sniffs. “And, I don’t know. I was just thinking about it. And I can’t fit into my favorite jeans. Because I’m huge.”

“You’re growing that little alien girl baby inside of you.”

“So you do think I’m huge!” Tori’s on the verge of tears, again.

“No! God, no. Tori. Stop crying and listen to me.” Jade has Tori’s face in her hands. “You’re sexy. And beautiful. And having you use me--”

“I’m not using you!”

“Shut up and let me say nice things to you,” Jade counters. “Having you use me for sex has been the closest I’ve felt to you in years. And I’m okay with it. It’s also just really fucking unfair how gorgeous you are when you come.”

“I’m…” Tori wants to argue, but she’s also blushing.

“And I don’t want to hear another damn word about you being unattractive, because that’s bullshit.” Jade slips her hands under Tori’s t-shirt and pulls it upward. Tori raises her arms so it can slip up over her head and then Jade’s easing her back against the arm of the sofa. She drags her mouth over Tori’s collarbone and then, there’s an unmistakable press of the lips to her skin, just above her bra line.

“What about, um… the kissing rule?”

“Technically, it’s no kissing on the mouth. Unless you think it should apply to…”

“No, I think that’s fair. You can… keep doing that.” Tori’s head tips back as Jade kisses the tops of her breasts, then below them and across her swollen stomach. Her yoga pants end up in a ball at the other end of the sofa and Jade’s fingers tug at Tori’s underwear. But Tori stops her.

“Is that not--”

Tori shakes her head. “You can keep going. But… you have to take this off.” She plucks at the tank top Jade’s wearing. Or she’s only wearing it for another few seconds before it ends up next to the yoga pants. And then Tori can’t tear her eyes away from the way Jade’s breasts are perfectly presented in her deep purple bra. It’s not fancy, or anything, but it showcases an ample amount of cleavage and Tori’s always found it difficult to keep her eyes off of this particular part of Jade’s anatomy.

“You still with me?” Jade teases.

“Uh huh.”

The underwear ends up down around Tori’s left ankle and Jade’s fingers are causing Tori to writhe and arch up off the couch cushions. She comes harder than she has all week. It’s especially evident in the accomplished smirk on Jade’s face.

“Like I said. Unfair.” Jade sighs and watches Tori collect herself.

Before she even has a chance to think about excusing herself to another room of the apartment, Tori says, “Don’t move. And take off your pants.”

“Why?”

“Don’t question me, just do it,” Tori demands. But then, because she’s Tori, she adds, “Well, if you want to.”

“Do I want to?”

“I think you do.”

Jade shoves her jeans to the floor and waits, expectantly. “So, what--”

Tori’s on her knees, on the floor, pushing Jade’s legs apart and running her hand up the length of Jade’s thigh. “If we’re going to be doing this, I need you to stay in the room afterward.” Her fingers graze over the fabric of Jade’s underwear and woman above her shudders.

“O-okay.”

“Good.” Tori drags the undergarment down and sets them aside. The sight of Jade West, legs spread in front of her, brings back a flood of memories. But there’s no time for nostalgia, right now. She needs Jade to understand this is a mutual agreement.

When Tori’s mouth connects with warm wetness, Jade whimpers. It’s a sound Tori knows is exclusive to this kind of situation and she’s missed it. She’s also immediately jealous of anyone else who’s ever heard it. That drives her to dive right in and work her tongue in ways that result Jade’s hips rocking in abandon and her hands wrapped in Tori’s hair. When her orgasm hits, Jade practically climbs the back of the couch in ecstasy.

Tori joins Jade back on the sofa, resting an elbow on top of the cushions as she watches the other woman regain her bearings.

“It’s… been a little while since anyone’s…” Jade clears her throat. “You don’t want to hear about that.”

“You can just skip to the part where I’m… good? Great? Amazing?”

“What the hell did they teach you in those UCLA voice and diction classes?”

That’s a compliment and Tori accepts it with a wide smile, pleased with herself. “Thank you.” There’s a flutter in her stomach and she’s ready to chalk it up to feeling just generally content, in this moment. Then it happens again. “Wait.” She rests a hand on her stomach.

“What?”

Tori grabs Jade’s wrist and presses her palm against the same spot. “Feel that?”

“Feel wh-- Oh. Is that… Okay, that’s weird.”

“Stop calling my baby weird.”

“No, it’s good weird. Cool weird.” Jade’s eyes are wide in fascination. “She’s actually in there.”

“Duh, she’s in there.”

“I mean that she’s active and being… I don’t know. A tiny human.” Jade bends down to find her underwear and pulls them back on.

Tori’s face breaks out into a grin. “Awww.”

“What?” Jade asks as she hands Tori her yoga pants. “Why are you making that stupid goofy face?”

“You called her a human.”

“Temporary lapse in judgement.”

“You like my baby.”

“She’s kicking you, so… yeah, she’s probably pretty cool.”

“Maybe she’s kicking you.”

“Hey, Vega’s baby,” Jade shouts to Tori’s stomach as she places her hand back on it. “Kick once for your mom and twice for me.”

“That’s not going to w--” There’s a kick.

“There. See? Once. She’s kicking _you_.” Jade pats the space where the kick just occurred. “You’re all right, kid.”


	8. 7

“Well?”

“Well, what?” Tori asks, looking at Jade across the breakfast bar.

“Don’t you want to celebrate or something?” Jade sips her coffee.

“For?”

“Why am I the only one in this house who even knows what’s going on?”

“Maybe because you’re weird and vague and never actually say what you mean?”

“ _Oh_.” Jade maintains the suspense until she’s worked through about half of the hot beverage in her cup. “You’re at the halfway point, dingus. Twenty weeks down, twenty to go.”

“Yeah, that is pretty exciting.” Tori happily finishes the rest of the fruit and granola in the bowl in front of her. “It feels like it hasn’t been that long. But also…” Her hand rests on her stomach. “It kind of does.”

“You’ve been here for six weeks, already. It went by kind of fast.” Jade tops off her drink.

“Wow.” A look of concern passes over Tori’s face. “Um, I know I said I needed a couple of months, but I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“You pay half the rent. You keep buying my groceries.” Almost as an afterthought, she adds, “And we’re having sex,” but it’s slightly mumbled into her coffee, as if that doesn’t count as talking about it. “That’s not taking advantage. It’s just you living here.”

“Is that okay, though?”

“Are you ready to go back?”

Tori twists her mouth into a half-frown. “No.”

“Then it’s okay.” Jade sets her mug down on the counter. “But then you might want to consider having the baby here.”

“In the apartment?”

Jade glares at her. “Really?”

“You mean New York.”

“Yes.”

“That’s still twenty weeks away.”

“But you also aren’t supposed to fly once you’re into your third trimester.” At Tori’s surprised look, Jade shakes her head. “Seriously, Tori, read your damn book.”

“I would if I could ever find it!”

“Look harder!”

“So, let’s say I have the baby here in New York. I can’t just live here forever.”

“Well, no. But you can at least have a place to start.” Jade realizes something. “I didn't pay a deposit for a baby."

"You don't pay deposits for babies."

"Why? It seems like a good idea. They destroy everything."

Tori slaps the counter top. "My baby is not going to destroy anything."

"We'll see."

“Where are you taking me for dinner?”

“Why am I taking you out?”

“To celebrate, duh. We’re halfway through this pregnancy.”

“You weren’t even paying attention,”Jade teases. She snatches Tori’s PearPad to pull up the Yelp app so they can pick a restaurant. And, for now, she chooses to let it slide that Tori’s just suggested both of them are somehow involved in the progress of this unborn baby.

Tori’s sex drive seems to regulate and balance out to sex with Jade a couple times a week, with the rest of her restless energy being directed into prenatal yoga at Jade’s gym. While Tori stretches and flails around with a room full of other pregnant women, Jade takes a kickboxing class where she’s able to release her frustrated energy. It’s something she started doing shortly after graduation. Having a regular creative outlet was great, but being Jade, she still hates just about every other person she encounters on the street and there’s a constant sense of rage when she’s stuck behind slow walkers in crowded areas or seated next to loud talkers on any public transportation.

So, kickboxing. It’s cool, it’s fun, and it doesn’t require her to sit on shared equipment that’s been covered in someone else’s sweat.

The gym is only a couple blocks from the apartment, so there’s no need (or desire) to use the in-house locker room facilities. Jade would rather die than shower next to strangers and Tori’s terrified of catching any kind of foot fungus, so they’ve had to develop a routine after their post-workout walk back home. Tori gets the shower first, but she’s limited to ten minutes before Jade starts pounding on the door, demanding her chance to rinse the stink of exercise off herself. Not that she sweats. Because she doesn’t.

Jade’s waiting for her turn when Tori’s PearPad rings, signaling an incoming video call from the Vegas. After a cycle of ringing, it stops. Then there’s another call attempt. Normally, she’d just let it go, but with the baby and the cross country move, it’s possible this could be important.

She swipes the screen and Holly’s face appears. “Hey, Holly. Tori’s in the shower.” It’s weird, speaking to Tori’s mom, like this. They haven’t really had a conversation in years. She knows the Vegas have been wary about this living situation, at least from the little bit Tori’s told her.

“Jade?”

“Yep.”

“You look… the same.” Holly’s quick to add, “But that’s good! How is everything?”

“Uh, fine. We just got back from the gym. Tori’s taking yoga.” Jade knows Tori’s parents aren’t necessarily worriers by nature but she doesn’t want them to think she’s not keeping an eye out for their daughter. “But the baby safe kind.”

“Good. What’s your address?”

Before Jade can ask why, David appears behind Holly on the screen. “Are you talking to Tori-- Oh, that’s Jade.” He waves to her. “What’s up, Jade?”

“Nothing much.”

“Well, good to see you.” Not so discreetly, he says to Holly, “She remembers I’m a cop, right?”

“I remember,” Jade sighs.

“Good.” David disappears out of frame.

“You wanted my address?” Jade asks.

“Yeah, we were cleaning out the garage and I came across some of Tori’s old baby books. Since it seems like she’s staying in New York for a little while,” Holly’s tone suggests maybe she’s not thrilled about that fact. “I thought I’d send them out to her.”

“She’d probably really like that.” Jade types her address into the chat box on the screen. But she can’t shake this feeling that she somehow needs to prove to Tori’s mom that their set-up here in Manhattan isn’t a mistake. “You know, she needed a place to go that wasn’t swarming with wazz bags out to make a quick buck.”

“I know.”

“She’s really okay here.”

* * *

When Tori and Jade first started going out, Mr. and Mrs. Vega didn’t bat an eye. If anyone seemed to have a negative reaction, it was Trina, who insisted Jade was plotting to infiltrate the Vega house with plans to sabotage her rise as a young ingenue.

David liked that Jade expressed an interest in hearing some of his work stories, something his wife and daughters usually just ignored. But Jade, she wanted to know the details of every dark alley and seedy warehouse search. Not that David ran across too many of those as he patrolled West Hollywood. But, if anything, he told her good stories and she didn’t particularly care if they were true. Her own dad was never around to even tell her to clean her room, so having a cool cop fatherly type to talk to once in a while made her feel good. As good as Jade liked to allow herself to feel.

* * *

_“You want to go to a movie?”_

_Jade shrugs. “Nah.” She’s really, really comfortable on the Vega family sofa, her head on Tori’s lap as they both only kind of pay attention to the Criminal Minds episode on the television. Also, Holly’s been busy in the kitchen, putting together something that smells delicious and Jade doesn’t want to risk missing out on whatever it is._

_“Karaoke?” Tori suggests. But she’s met with a shake of the head. “Laser tag? Sinjin’s improv troupe?”_

_“I kind of just like the idea of not going anywhere.”_

_David jogs down the stairs and greets his wife with a kiss. “About ready?”_

_“Almost,” Holly replies._

_“But then we’re stuck here with them,” Tori says, looking at her parents._

_“They’re really not so bad.”_

_“Sorry! Can’t stop to chat!” Trina gallops down the stairs blindly waving a dismissive hand at the rest of her family. “It’s open mic at Nozu and there’s a rumor that some top rated talent agents will be there.” She doesn’t even wait for any response from the room and she’s out the front door._

_Jade gestures toward the door. “She, on the other hand…”_

_“Maybe we should go. I wonder if Andre knows about the agents.” Tori’s already punching out a text, but Jade grabs the phone and sits up, holding it out of her reach._

_“There are no agents.”_

_“But Trina just said--” Tori narrows her eyes at Jade. “What did you do?”_

_“Nothing. I’m not responsible for what Sinjin might email someone if I pay him five dollars and a chance to look at rack pictures.” She hands the phone back to Tori._

_“Jade!” Tori’s eyes are wide. “You did not show him pics of your…” She fixates on Jade’s chest._

_“Oh please, Vega. The drawings of the medieval rack I got from that trip to that museum exhibit. Remember? Torture Through Time?”_

_“Oh. Right. That’s… better.”_

_“Trust me.” Jade leans in, allowing Tori a better look down her top. Her voice drops to a husky whisper. “You’re the only one getting a look at these. In person. Maybe after dinner.”_

_“Okay, girls!” Holly calls from the kitchen._

_Tori’s so startled, she nearly falls off the couch, but Jade has a strong grasp on her wrist and pulls her back up. “What’s for dinner?”_

_“Well, I’ve made chicken and potatoes with a greek salad for me and your father. You girls have the kitchen to yourselves to make whatever you want.”_

_“This is why I like to leave the house,” Tori says._

_Jade’s starving and, yeah, she’s disappointed that they’re not included in the dinner plans, but she has to respect that Mrs. Vega doesn’t mess around. “Sushi? With the bonus of watching your sister embarrass herself?”_

_“Sounds like a perfect evening.” Tori stands and offers Jade a hand up, then pulls her closer. “And, um, that after dinner plan. Is that still happening?”_

_Jade’s about to make a comment about the backseat of her car, but she can swear David’s flashing his badge at her. It might just be his PearPhone catching the light, but either way, she just takes Tori’s hand and walks with her out the front door._

* * *

“Hey, Jade?” Tori asks, as she exits the steamy bathroom, wrapped in a towel. “My boobs are bigger, right?”

“Tori.”

“What do they look like to you? I’m not just imagining that they’re--”

“--Tori!”

“What?”

“You mom wants to talk to you.”

“Oh, just tell her to hold on.”

“You can tell her yourself. She’s on video chat.” Jade holds up the PearPad, though she makes a point of keeping it tipped toward the ceiling.

“Um. Oh. Hi, mom!”

“It’s natural for them to be bigger,” Holly says. “Your father couldn’t stop looking at my chest both times I was pregnant.”

Tori flinches. “Don’t really need the details, but thank you.”

“Anyway, I have to go. Good talking to you!” Holly signs out of the chat and the screen goes blank.

There’s still a moment where Tori continues to look at the PearPad, just to make sure her mother’s no longer listening. “So…”

Jade can’t help that Tori’s chest is right in her eyeline, because she’s standing right in front of her. Just like she can’t help that Tori’s wrapped in a towel and her skin’s still damp from her shower. She should probably say something instead of staring, though. “Yeah, I think they’re bigger.”

“I knew it!” Tori raises her arms in victory, which causes her towel to fall open. She’s quick to grasp it and pull it back into place, but Jade’s gaze is still focused right on Tori’s boobs. “Okay, you don’t have to make it weird.”

“I’m not making it weird. You’re the one flashing me.”

“It was an accident.”

“Oh, so you _don’t_ want me to look at them?”

“Do you want to… look at them?” Tori teases open the towel, but not enough to expose anything.

“No.” Jade shakes her head. “I need to shower.” Not wanting Tori to break down into a mess of emotional distress, she adds, “Your tits look amazing, I just won’t get anything done today if we keep this up.” For emphasis, she kisses Tori’s bare shoulder.

Once she’s in the bathroom, she can hear Tori happily singing a Backstreet Boys song, so Jade knows everything is fine. But as she looks at herself in the mirror, she knows there’s a bigger problem.

The sex isn’t just about sex, anymore. She’s not sure it ever was.

To keep herself from fixating on what any of it’s about, Jade sticks to facts.

“Your baby is the size of a spaghetti squash,” she announces during Tori’s twenty-second week of pregnancy.

“Um, and which one is a spaghetti squash?” Tori asks.

Jade rolls her eyes. “It’s the one that’s…” She thinks about it. And then she tells Tori to put her shoes on because they have to go to Whole Foods to look at produce.

At week twenty-three, it’s a papaya. Again, it’s a trip to the store to verify the size. And, maybe it’s the season or something, but they’re both a little confused at the fact that the squash was decidedly larger than the papaya.

The info on week twenty-four reports that the baby should be the size of an ear of corn. They’re both pretty familiar with corn, so they go for coffee, instead.

“So, when it says an ear of corn, do you think it means she’s actually getting really long and skinny? Or just roughly the volume of an ear of corn?”

“I don’t know, I’m not a corn baby scientist.” Jade holds open the door of the coffee shop so Tori can enter. When Tori smiles at the moment of chivalry, Jade scoffs. “I just don’t want to risk it swinging back and hitting your stomach.”

“I know how to move out of the way of a swinging door.”

“Watch out for this guy,” Jade nods behind Tori. Tori turns, but no one’s there. Jade laughs and Tori smacks her in the shoulder.

“What can I get st-- Jade?” The barista behind the register is looking right at her.

“You know each other?” Tori asks. “Actually, that’s not really a surprise,” she says, taking in that they’re standing in the center of a coffee shop.

“Yeah, uh, this is Rain.”

“Rain? As in water from the sky?”

“As in Rainbow,” the barista clarifies. “And yeah, I know Jade,” she says, offering up the slightest smirk as she does. “Is this your girlfriend?”

“Uh, no.” Jade glances at Tori, unsure what word best describes what they actually are to each other. “This is my friend, Tori.”

Tori responds with a sweet smile and, in an unprecedented moment, says, “That’s right. I’m her friend, Tori!” in the Southern Belle voice that Jade reserves for teasing her so Tori can insist that she doesn’t, ‘talk like that.’ “And I’ll have a decaf iced green tea, please.”

Rainbow nods and marks a cup with the order on it within half a second’s time. Then all of her attention is on Jade. “And for you?”

“Coffee. Black. Dark roast.”

“Did you want room for--”

“Two sugars!” Tori cuts in and cranes her neck over Jade’s shoulder, knocking into her back and shoving Jade closer to the counter. “She needs room for two sugars.”

“Okay,” Jade turns and places her hands on Tori’s shoulders. “How about you grab us a table before you end up pushing me into the espresso machine.”

“Fine. I’ll make sure we get the table in the back corner where you’re not in the window but you can still see out the window to make fun of people on the street.”

As Tori seats herself at the table, Rainbow punches the order into the register and not so subtly tosses flirty glances at Jade. “I’ll get those right out for you.”

Jade joins Tori at the table, only to find that Tori’s glaring at the barista. “What?”

“You know her?”

“Yeah, kind of.”

“What kind of name is Rainbow, anyway? That’s like naming someone after a tree or a stone or something.”

Jade’s eyebrow peaks. “Oh, a stone or something… like Jade?”

Tori’s face scrunches up. “Sorry. But still. _Rainbow_?”

“She’s actually pretty cool.”

“Should I leave you two alone?”

“ _No_.”

That seems to placate Tori and when the drink order is up, she pushes her chair out. “I’ll get it.”

Jade watches, allowing herself to be content in the moment. She’s getting coffee, it’s overcast and threatening rain outside, the arrangement with Tori is working out… That is, until Tori returns to the table and shoves Jade’s coffee over to her before fixing her gaze out the window.

“What the hell happened in the last thirty seconds?”

Tori tosses a napkin at her and as it falls onto the table, Jade can see that something’s written on it. She smoothes it out to read the message.

_I get off at 5:30. If you’re lucky, we could both be getting off by 5:45. - R_

“I think I’ll just go back to the apartment,” Tori says.

“Why?” Jade crumples up the napkin. “She and I hooked up once--”

“You had sex with her?!” It’s a little loud in the small shop.

“One time. Like six months ago.” As in, immediately after Jade returned from Sundance.

“Do you want to do it again?”

“I’m already kind of having a lot of sex, already.”

Tori watches a couple hail a cab. “Because that’s our thing, right? Sex. Just… sex.”

“That’s what makes sense.” Or, it did, at one point.

“I get it, okay? I’m,” Tori rests both hands on her stomach. “Not ideal. You don’t want to be with me. I get it.”

“Never tell me what I want.” Jade watches Tori, then looks down at the balled up napkin on the table. “You’re jealous,” she realizes.

“Am not,” Tori deflects.

Jade’s not letting her shake this that easily. “You totally are.”

“It’s not like it matters. We’re not dating and--”

“Tori.”

“--you have a whole life here that’s been happening for years--”

Jade pulls Tori’s chair closer to her, but Tori keeps looking out the window. “You’re being stupid.”

“For what? Wanting to try things again?”

“No, for thinking I don’t want the same thing.”

Tori finally looks at her. “You… want to?”

“We kind of already are. You live with me.”

“And I buy the food.”

“And make the morning coffee. It’s kind of like you like me.”

“You didn’t pick up on that from the way I keep trying to get you naked with me?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s should have been a clue.” Jade focuses on Tori’s lips considering how they’ve been off-limits this whole time. “We’re basically doing everything but…”

But then they are. They’re kissing, right in the middle of this coffee shop, where the barista was, only moments ago, trying to get into Jade’s pants. She might still be thinking about it, but Jade’s only thinking about Tori and how, with this kiss, they’re crossing a line and moving toward something.

“So,” Tori says, pulling back. “I think this means we’re doing everything.”

“Looks like it.”

Outside, rain begins to fall, drenching anyone out in the open. Jade smiles. Today is a really, really good day.


	9. 8

Tori can’t sleep. It’s close to two in the morning and she’s been awake for at least an hour, because the baby woke her up by moving around and kicking her squarely in the bladder. Or that’s how it felt, anyway.

She’s in the living room, browsing on her PearPad for items to put on her baby registry. This is something she could have just as easily done in bed, because Jade’s sound asleep, but she’s glad she moved to the couch when Beck pops up on her video chat list.

On a whim, she sends through a call.

“Hello!” Beck greets as his face fills the screen.

“Hey,” Tori says, offering a tired smile. “I didn’t know if you’d answer.”

“It’s only eleven out here. I’m still waiting for Rob to get back from his show.”

“How’s that going?” After high school, Robbie really started working hard to develop his comedy without Rex. Most of it was terrible, at first, but after some experience and a summer at stand-up boot camp, there was a definite shift into some really good, usually darkly funny, material.

“Great. Normally, I’d be there watching, but it’s a showcase tonight, so he’s the emcee which is usually when he tests new material and he says I’m not allowed to be there because I might give him biased laughter.”

“You’re not really a pity laugher,” Tori observes.

“That’s what I thought, but I know not to argue with him.”

“You two are good, though?”

Beck nods. “Yep. Really just the same as we’ve always been.”

It was at Robbie’s stand-up boot camp graduation that Beck had come out. Nothing about it was a huge deal, it was just the first time the whole group had been back together since high school, so they were catching up on all the details of the previous year. When Andre asked Beck if he’d been dating any hot college girls, the answer had been, “No. Not girls, so much.”

A few years later, though, when it was casually posted on Twitter that he’d been on a date with Robbie, Tori’s phone buzzed for a solid three hours with the notifications as her friends all commented and asked questions.

At this point, they were happy and, from what Tori can tell, they really balance each other out. Robbie may be without Rex, but he’s still neurotic and weird. Beck’s still… laid back, easy going Beck.

“Do you ever wonder what things would be like if you and Jade had stayed together?”

“Uh, not really. Not unless I’m looking to pitch a wacky comedy to a network.”

“Yeah, I guess it’s kind of absurd.”

“Are… you thinking about what it would be like if you and Jade had stayed together?”

“No. Well. Okay. Not like that. We needed to break up because of school and the distance and doing our own stuff. But, now we’re kind of…”

“In the same space, all the time?”

“Yeah. And… we’ve been… you know…”

“Okay, I really don’t need to know the details of my ex-girlfriend being friend with benefits with her ex-girlfriend.”

“It’s not just that.”

“Are you two… together?”

“Would that be weird?” Their coffee shop kiss only happened mere hours ago and Tori’s still considering what it all means.

“Would it be weird if you moved across the country to stay with your ex, who’s also my ex, so you could get away from the press and the paparazzi, but in the meantime, you started sleeping together and that’s apparently led to rekindling an actual relationship with each other, all while you’re pregnant by your former fiancee who ditched you because he’s a total loser wazz-bag?” Beck shrugs. “Nah, it’s not that weird. If you’re happy, that’s what matters.”

“What are you doing?” Jade’s voice is gravelly and her hair is a mess as she stands in the bedroom doorway.

“Chatting. Why are you even awake? I’ve literally seen you sleep through a war.”

“I don’t know. I just realized you weren’t there. I thought maybe something was wrong.”

“Everything’s fine.” Tori rubs her stomach. “We’re both fine. She’s just kicking and keeping me awake.”

“Good.” Jade shuffles her way to the couch and lies down, her head on Tori’s leg.

“Did you want to say hi to Beck?”

“No.” But then there’s a sleepy, “Hi, Beck.”

“Hey there, sleepyhead.”

Jade scrunches her brow in offense, but she’s tired, so there’s no verbal follow up. Tori combs her fingers through Jade’s hair. “I don’t even think she’s actually awake.” And then Jade’s already snoring.

“She was worried about you. That’s kind of a big deal.”

Tori shrugs. “Maybe.” She looks down at the unusually peaceful face. “I should probably go.”

“Call me tomorrow, we can catch up more.”

When the call ends, she resumes adding items to the baby registry for a few minutes, but she’s drowsy. She nudges Jade, trying to get her to wake back up, but it’s not working. Eventually, she decides to ease out from under her. If she wasn’t nearly six months pregnant, she would just stay there and figure out how to sleep sitting up, but her back is stiff and she knows she’ll have to get up to use the bathroom, more than once.

The second Jade’s head makes contact with the couch cushion, she’s awake. “What happened? Are you okay? Is the baby mad?”

“Come on.” Tori takes Jade by the hand and leads her back toward the bedroom. Once they’re in bed, Tori immediately drifts off to sleep, Jade’s arm securely around her.

The next day begins the same as just about every other morning since she’s been in New York. Except when Jade finally emerges from the bedroom to retrieve her coffee, Tori’s met with a kiss on the side of her head.

Other than the freedom to express affection, nothing really changes. They have breakfast, Jade does some work, Tori makes notes for song lyrics, maybe Jade goes out on a meeting, maybe Tori does some light exploring of the blocks close to Jade’s apartment, they have dinner, they have sex, they fall asleep and then it’s more of the same the next day.

It’s nice. In the back of Tori’s mind, she wonders if it’s going to last beyond the birth of her baby.

But she’s still finishing out her second trimester, so there’s still time to figure it out.

In the middle of week twenty-seven, a small box arrives from Los Angeles. Inside are a few books she remembers as a child and a couple she doesn’t.

Jade peers up from her laptop. She’s seated at the breakfast bar and Tori almost knocks her out of her seat when she excitedly edges around her to place the box on the counter.

“What is that?”

“Some of my old books. At least, the ones Trina didn’t use to protect her bedspread when she painted her nails.” Tori picks up one that has a kitten on the cover, which would be cute except for the green splotches all over its face. “Oh, wait. Here’s one.”

“Maybe I should write a children’s book,” Jade muses, taking the book from Tori and flipping through the pages.

“So you can give them nightmares?”

“They have to learn that life is hard.” The book has a happy ending and Jade quickly tosses it aside. She reaches into the box to pull out another. “What’s this?” The book she’s holding is thicker than the other picture books.

“Uh, I don’t know. It doesn’t look familiar.” Tori takes it and looks at the inside over. “It’s a baby book!”

“Aren’t they all?”

“No, like a baby journal. It looks like my mom kept track of her pregnancy.” Tori rests on Jades lap as she scans the pages. “This one’s from when she was pregnant with Trina.”

“Does it talk about how she was abducted by aliens, first?”

“Doesn’t look like it, but maybe they erased the memory.” She continues to read over the entries. “This is actually pretty cool. It’s like a guide of what to expect.”

“Oh, like the thirty pound book you keep forgetting to read?”

“But this one’s from my mom so it’s better. Look, she was super hungry for salt and vinegar potato chips. And definitely had insomnia. And--” Tori closes the book.

“And what?”

“Nothing.”

Jade snatches the book from Tori and flips around. “Chips. Can’t sleep. Okay, yeah, this is just boring. You might as well-- OH.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“It looks like the Vega women have a shared increase in all kinds of appetites.”

“That’s my mom you’re talking about.”

“Tori, it’s not like it’s a secret that your parents had sex.”

“I’m not listening!”

Jade sets the journal down and digs for another book. “If that one’s about Trina, then there has to be one about you.” She finds another, similar volume. “Ah ha!”

“Oh god. I don’t want to know.”

“I’ll just read it to you.”

Tori shudders, then braces herself for whatever’s on the pages. “Okay, just skip the sexual stuff.”

“Uh, not necessary. It’s just numbers.”

“What?” Tori grabs the book from Jade. The first ten pages are lined with numbers, then the rest are blank. “This is my baby journal?” She groans. “Trina gets everything!”

“So you wanted detailed sexual accounts of your parents while you were in the womb?”

“No! I just… I’m worth more than a bunch of numbers.”

“Maybe it’s a code. Maybe it’s from the aliens.” Tori’s pouting, so Jade suggests, “Why don’t you call her?” Gently, Jade urges Tori up, so she can stand, then Tori sits on the chair. Jade hands Tori her PearPhone.

“Fine.” Tori dials her mom’s number. It rings a couple times before Holly answers.

“Hello?”

“Hey, mom. I was just calling to say that I got the books.”

“Oh, good!”

“But, um… I was wondering... what’s up with the numbers?”

“What numbers?”

“There are two pregnancy journals in here and one’s all about everything you… uh, experienced while you were having Trina. And the other is just numbers.”

“Oh! That’s my gambling journal.”

“Your what?”

“When I was pregnant with you, I really wanted to gamble. Your dad and I were going to Vegas maybe every other week. I got really good at blackjack. There was a night I won over a thousand dollars and then your father and I… well, you don’t need to know that part.”

Tori glances at the journal with the racier entries. “I’m sure I can figure it out.”

As much as she’s not permanently scarred by the content of Trina’s baby journal, Tori can’t bring herself to read any more. But she’s curious about the rest of the information.

“I need to know what to expect,” she tells Jade.

“Fine, I’ll read it and tell you the relevant parts.” Jade opens up to a page somewhere near the middle.

“Well?”

“Can I have more than two seconds to look at it?”

“Sorry.”

They’re on the couch, Tori’s legs stretched over Jade’s lap. It’s getting warmer out and Tori wonders if they’ll even be able to stand touching each other if it gets too humid.

“Okay, weird foods. We know that. Great, it looks like you might start kicking me in your sleep.”

“The baby does it to me, all the time.”

“Yeah, but she has tiny feet. Yours are huge.”

“They are not!” Tori wiggles her toes for emphasis.

“That just makes them look bigger.”

“Jade!”

“Shhh, I’m reading. Here it says she took a lot of walks on the beach. Maybe that’s why Trina has saltwater in her brain,” Jade comments. “And then…” She begins to chuckle.

“What?”

“You… don’t want to know.”

“Oh god, just skip it.”

“Why? They’re not my parents.” She turns the page. “Hey, if you typed this up, we could self-publish it as a Fifty Shades kind of thing for the pregnancy kink crowd.”

“Stop.” Tori’s face is in her hands.

“Hey,” Jade tosses the book aside. “We don’t have to do that. We’ll keep making movies and music. Until we need to retire.”

Tori smacks Jade with the small couch pillow. “You need to start watching what you say. Her little brain is developing and she can hear us.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, who’s on top of reading the thirty pound book, now?”

Jade shifts so she’s propped up on one arm next to Tori’s stomach. “Hola, Tori’s baby. Me llamo es Jade. Tu madre es mi… um… girlfriend?” She looks up at Tori. “Is that… what we’re doing?”

They haven’t really talked about what they’re calling their relationship. But girlfriends sounds right. “Yeah…” Tori confirms. “That’s what we’re doing. And why are you speaking mostly Spanish?”

“Um, excuse me, but this baby is one-quarter hispanic and I think it’s important to preserve her heritage.”

Tori raises a challenging eyebrow.“Do you even know what country my grandpa is from?”

“Puerto Rico,” Jade answers, easily.

“You really knew that.” Tori’s impressed.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Wow. I didn’t realize you paid that much attention to detail.”

“We dated for over a year,” Jade says. “And… I may have read it on a Top Ten Facts About Celebrities blog last week.” She redirects her attention to the baby and begins to sing _Forever Baby_. In Spanish. “Pon tu cuerpo cerca del mio, en el tiempo perdámonos, yo soy tuyo y tu eres mio,” and Tori joins in on the final line, “por siempre baby.”

The song gets stuck in Tori’s head and she finds herself singing it to the baby regularly, which has her thinking about what Jade said about her heritage. By the weekend she’s intensely craving her dad’s homemade tamales.

“They’re just so amazing and the chiles are perfect and the cheese,” Tori puts her hand to her heart. “The cheese.”

“I’m sure we can find a place around here that has tamales.”

“No, Jade.” Her hand swiftly moves from her chest to Jade’s arm, gripping tightly. “These are not just any tamales. They’re the Vega family recipe.”

“Aren’t tamales a Mexican food? How can it be a family recipe if your dad’s dad is from Puerto Rico?”

“My dad makes them for our family. So it’s a family recipe.”

“Okay,” Jade replies. carefully peeling Tori’s fingers off her arm. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Really?”

“No promises.”

Tori pouts. Jade kisses her. It’s not enough to make her forget about the tamales, but it does keep her distracted for a while.


	10. 9

Jade doesn’t make a habit of calling Trina, but she’s had to contact her three times in the last week.

“Well?”

“I couldn’t find it.”

“Did you actually look?” There’s a glare shooting back at her on the phone screen and Jade realizes she should probably play nice. “I mean, maybe it’s hidden somewhere.”

“I checked every cookbook I could find in the kitchen,” Trina says. “Nothing about tamales.”

“What about tamales?” comes David’s voice from somewhere off screen.

“Uh, nothing!” Trina scrambles.

But Jade figures maybe it’s best to go directly to the source. “It’s okay. I can just ask him.”

“Fine, here.” Trina passes the phone to her dad and his face is suddenly on Jade’s screen.

“Ah, Jade. What’s up?”

“Okay, well… Tori’s been talking non-stop about your famous tamales and I’d like to shut her up.” Maybe that’s not the best way to put it. “By making them for her.”

David glances around. “Hold on,” he says, and then he’s walking through the Vega house until he’s in the garage. “You can’t make them.”

“Look, I know it’s a family recipe and everything, but I’m making them for Tori.”

“There’s no recipe.”

“Okay, then maybe you can walk me through it.”

“That’s… not going to work.”

“You could at least give me a chance. I know it doesn’t seem like I listen that well, but I’m--”

“Jade, I’m not saying I don’t think you can do it. You’re smart, I like you. You’re a little scary sometimes, but that never seems to bother Tori. But I can’t give you the recipe because I don’t… uh, actually make them.” His voice is quiet and he leans in closer to the screen. “There’s a great little family owned Mexican place in Downtown LA. That’s where I get them.”

“You buy them. And you lie to your family about it.”

“I’m not proud of it.”

“Tell you what, I’ll keep the family secret safe, if you can do something for me.”

The next evening, there’s an express shipment of handmade tamales delivered to Jade’s apartment. She’s been tracking them since David sent them last night. Tori’s out at a matinee show, something she’s been doing more regularly, now that she’s gotten comfortable in the city. It’s funny to Jade how Tori feels more freedom to move around midtown now that she’s six months pregnant. With Tori out of the apartment, Jade can set up the scenario she needs to in order to make all of this work. She makes sure to dirty the right amount of dishes so that it looks like she’s been busy in the kitchen for a couple of hours. Since the tamales are on dry ice, she has to steam them the way she normally would, anyway, so that’s a key element to making this whole ordeal seem legitimate.

When she hears Tori’s key in the door, she hopes it’s all going to work out.

“Something smells really good,” Tori says, tossing her purse onto the table near the door. She sniffs again, then shoots Jade a look. “Are you making…” She peers through the opening into the kitchen. “Is that… are those tamales?”

“Yes.” It’s not even a question that requires a lie for an answer. “I talked to your dad and got him to share his secret.” Totally the truth.

“You made my dad’s famous family tamales?” Tori’s eyes are wide as she beelines for the kitchen.

“Whoa, hey.” Jade stops her. “You, sit down.” She redirects Tori to her seat at the breakfast counter.

“I have to call my mom. She’s been trying to get this out of my dad for as long as I can remember.” But the second there’s a plate in front of Tori, her desire to make any phone calls seems to have subsided. She’s entirely focused on the food. As she takes her first bite, Jade’s almost jealous of the tamale, because of the way Tori’s eyes roll back, just a little, accompanied by a satisfied moan.

“So… they’re good?”

“Oh yeah. So good. I could eat these every night for a week.”

“Uh, well… let’s keep them special.” She can just imagine how ridiculous it would be to try and get daily express shipments.

Tori reaches for Jade, tugging her downward until she sits next to her. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“I kind of did. Otherwise, you would have never shut up about wanting them.”

“So you did this to keep me happy?”

“Eh, happy, quiet… it’s all the same.”

A few weeks have passed since they’ve embraced their situation, the one where they’re both sexually and emotionally connecting. So, in short, they’re back together. Jade’s attentive while still being her sarcastic self and Tori’s as optimistic as she’s always been, though she has her moments when she’s overwhelmed with pregnancy hormones. But it’s good and it works and they’re compatible, with really no strong overshadowing of who they used to be at seventeen, back when they antagonized each other.

Except for today, a Thursday afternoon when Jade returns from a meeting with the studio who’s supposed to be producing her second feature. She’s moody, she’s angry, and she stomps into the apartment so aggressively that it causes the neighbor’s chihuahua to start barking.

“Shut up!” Jade shouts back at it, through the wall.

“Uh, everything okay?” Tori asks from her spot on the couch.

“No,” is Jade’s reply. She immediately retreats the the bedroom. It’s no longer even just her room, because they’re in the stages of converting the second room, the one that was supposed to be Tori’s, into the baby’s room. There’s a dramatic unlacing of her boots before she chucks them into the closet and slams around a few other things. Finally, the release of energy is enough to satiate her to the point that she at least remembers to breathe as she lies back on the bed and stares at the ceiling.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Now Tori’s in doorway to the bedroom, but she’s keeping a buffer, probably because she has no idea if Jade’s going to start throwing things or kicking chairs like she used to, once upon a time.

“No.” But Jade can’t really keep this pent up. She might be acting like a teenager, but she’s a twenty-something filmmaker with a pregnant girlfriend. “They want me to change a bunch of things.”

“Who?” Tori asks.

“The studio. They like the premise, but they said the script is too dark. They want something… lighter.”

Tori cautiously moves for the bed and sits on the edge. “What does that mean for you?”

“They’re asking me for the rewrite.”

“So, they still want you on as the writer.”

“Kind of. They want some watered down version of me.” Jade covers her face with her hands. “I just want to make my movie.”

“Jade, you’re really good at this stuff. Even if they want changes, you can still do a better job than most people.”

“I guess. But I don’t want to be someone who’s just there because I showed up at the right time, either.” That’s something that’s been bugging her, not just in regard to the movie. “Tori…“ Jade sighs and considers how to ask. She’s been thinking about this during most of her subway ride home. “Is this… are we going to last after the baby gets here?”

That’s not a question Tori’s expecting and it takes her a moment to answer. “I know babies are stressful and apparently you don’t sleep for a year after their born, but… I’d like to think so, yes.”

“No, I mean,” Jade sits up. There’s no good way to ask. “Are we doing this because you need someone right now?”

“Oh. You think I’m using you?”

“I’m just asking.”

Tori shakes her head and rises from the bed. “I don’t even know what to say to that.” She leaves Jade alone in the bedroom. After a minute, she hears the front door open and shut.

“Fuck,” Jade mutters to herself. She’s quick to grab her boots, but she fumbles with the laces. By the time she’s in the hall, Tori maybe has two minutes on her. She doesn’t have to go far to find her, though, because she’s outside, sitting on the steps to the building. “I’m… sorry,” she offers.

“You know,” Tori sniffs and it’s a gut punch to Jade to realize she’s actually made her cry. “I’ve been worried about you having ulterior motives for all of this and it turns out you think I’m using you.” There’s a sad laugh.

“I didn’t really mean it like that. I was just thinking about things and this has all been kind of backwards.” Jade drops down to sit beside Tori on the steps. “When I asked you to come out here, I didn’t expect that I’d… feel this way.”

“Which is?” Tori asks.

“Which is…” Jade takes in a deep breath. “That I still love you. And it’s scary to think that maybe this is all just temporary.”

“It is.” Jade bristles, but Tori reaches for her hand. “I’m not always going to be pregnant and emotional and wanting to eat everything in the fridge.”

“I don’t know, you do kind of freak out about things, in general.”

“You’re the one who just came home and just about tore the door off its hinges.”

“I haven’t been that angry in a long time. Sorry if I scared you.”

“You don’t scare me, Jade West.” Tori leans against her. “Can I ask you something, though?”

“What?”

“Do you have… like a pregnancy kink? Like, it’s okay if you do, but… I’m kind of worried you won’t be into me once the baby’s born.”

“Why would you even ask that?” Jade turns to looks at her.

“We didn’t start having sex until I was showing.”

“You were crying! I thought it would make you feel better!”

“That’s not really helping!”

“I’m not…” Jade can’t help but laugh. “I’m not into you for your body. I mean, I am. You’ve always been sexy. And your boobs are huge, right now.” Tori shoots her a glare. “But, you’re also just… Tori. Crazy, ridiculous, manages to look good in dorky glasses Tori.”

“What if I get laser eye surgery?”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

Tori cozies up to Jade, even though it’s starting to get more humid out as summer approaches. “I still love you, too, you know.”

It’s still not perfect, but it’s really, really good. The more comfortable Tori gets with the city, the more they fall into their own routines, while still spending quality time together. As Tori moves into week thirty of pregnancy, they sign up for a childbirth class.

In the months that Tori’s been in New York, she’s been recognized a few times, but she’s usually left alone. But there’s a man in their birthing class who clearly knows who she is and, in their second session, he begins to ask questions about Chester.

“So, how come the father isn’t here?”

Jade doesn’t like this guy. Mostly because she wants to punch him in the face every time he opens his mouth. Tori’s quick to deflect, thankfully.

“The father isn’t relevant.”

“Aw, come on. The kid needs a dad.” The man’s wife or girlfriend or whoever it seems he’s knocked up, elbows him in an effort to get him to shut up. He ignores the ribbing and continues. “I saw a thing on Twitter that says you have connections to Rob Shapiro.”

“It’s not any secret that I’m friends with Robbie,” Tori says.

“So you’re saying there’s a possibility that he’s the father.”

Jade’s done. This guy’s finished. “No, asshole. She’s saying you need to shut up. And, as far as you’re concerned, I’m the father. So, back off and take care of blondie back there.”

The guy doesn’t have a chance to respond, because the instructor enters and is about to begin the class. Tori squeezes Jade’s hand. “I think you scared him.”

“Good.” But then Jade’s hit with a wave of realization. “Shit, I’m the father,” she repeats, settling on the yoga mat that’s spread out on the floor. Once she’s seated, Tori leans back against her.

Tori tips her head back to look up at her. “You’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, but my dad sucks.”

“So, don’t be like your dad.”

It’s valid advice. Mostly, Jade just pushes it to the back of her mind as the class begins and she’s able to focus on things like breathing techniques and what kind of massages to offer when Tori’s about to lose her mind because the baby’s standing on her internal organs.

Honestly, Jade’s fascinated with everything about childbirth. They’re at home, one night during week thirty-one, and Jade’s has the pregnancy book open in front of her. She’s sitting on one end of the couch while Tori’s on the other, her legs stretched out so her feet are resting on Jade’s lap.

“Okay, wait, listen to this. Did you know there’s something called the mucus plug that’ll come out of you?”

Tori just about turns green. “I really don’t need to hear the gory details.”

“Wrong. You need to know all of this. What if I’m not home and this happens? It’s a key indication of the beginning stages of labor.”

“I’m really wondering why you didn’t go into medicine. You’re all about fluids and gunk coming out of people.”

“I prefer to keep it as a hobby, so I don’t get burnt out on it.” She waves the book at Tori. “The passing of the mucus plug,” the mention of it makes Tori shudder, “indicates the unsealing of the cervix.” She glances at Tori, “So that the baby can prepare to be born. Here there’s a picture--” But Tori slaps the books away.

“I figure the intense pain and water breaking will be a good sign of that, too.” Tori sounds a little morose and Jade quickly picks up on the fact that she’s actually thinking really intensely about what the experience will be like.

She sets the book on the end table and gently rubs Tori’s bare feet. “Probably. And it might hurt, but we’ll have all that breathing down so you can manage it.”

Tori nods. “You promise?”

“Well, the breathing part’s all up to you.” When Tori tries to kick her in the face, Jade relents. “Okay, okay! I promise.”


	11. 10

It’s not that Tori’s scared about giving birth, she’s just overwhelmed by all the details. There’s so much that still has to be done. Jade’s tossing her bits of trivia every time she picks up the monstrous book, her parents are asking for details about when she’s coming back to Los Angeles and she doesn’t know what to tell them, Trina’s in town to plan the baby shower and it’s actually kind of a sweet gesture but it doesn’t make her sister any less annoying when she drops by without a warning.

For now, Trina’s in her midtown hotel room and no one’s picking up any phone calls from California. The vibrator Jade bought for Tori to work out her sexual frustration so many weeks ago is being to put good use and all Tori has to do is lie back and let Jade pay attention to her. It’s working really, really well, but after a few minutes, Tori reaches for Jade’s wrist and pulls the sex toy away.

“What, what’s wrong?” There’s concern on Jade’s face, which happens a lot more, now that they’re in the final couple months.

“Nothing, I just was thinking about what you said earlier.”

“I say a lot of things to you all day.”

“The thing about sex after childbirth.”

“I know I talk a lot about how the whole process is really fascinating, but it’s not the best mood booster in this kind of situation.”

“I’m trying to say that I love that you’re all about getting me off, but you’re being way too gentle.”

“I just want to be safe.”

“Jade,” Tori grabs a handful of Jade’s tanktop and pulls her closer. “You’re not going to hurt me or the baby if you fuck me like you used to.”

There’s a flash in Jade’s green eyes at both the profanity and the suggestion. “Yeah?”

Tori nods. “Yeah.”

Within seconds, Tori’s on her hands and knees, Jade behind her, putting her fingers diligently to work. When Tori comes, it’s animalistic, the way she screams Jade’s name. Even as Tori drifts off to a content sleep, she knows her girlfriend will be smirking happily about this for the next week.

Later, she wakes up to what sounds like muffled screaming. A glance to the side finds the light of the PearPad Jade’s watching with her headphones in.

Tori listens for a moment. “Are you watching porn?” she asks. The screen isn’t in view and she doesn’t have her glasses on, but there’s a distinct rhythm to the shrieks she’s hearing. She sits up and leans closer, wondering if she’s left Jade in need of more attention, but then she catches sight of the video and it’s definitely bloody. “Oh, chiz. Horror movies in bed? Seriously?”

Jade pulls one of the earbuds out. “No, dingus. It’s a birthing video. You really should be checking them out.” She offers the earbud to Tori.

Tori takes it and listens as she looks at the imagery. “Oh my god!” She covers her face and watches the scene through her fingers. “That thing is attacking her!”

“That’s the baby.”

“Oh god. It does look like an alien.” She removes the headphone and tosses it back at Jade. “I don’t want any part of this.”

“Sorry to break it to you, but that’s exactly what going to happen in about eight weeks.”

Tori groans and covers her head with the sheet. “Can’t they just beam babies out of people by now? Like on Star Trek.”

“I’ve never seen a baby beamed out of anyone on Star Trek.”

“You know what I mean!”  
“You’re going to be just fine. Relax.”

“I can’t. Not after you just showed me that.” Tori slumps back down under the sheet. “I’m traumatized.”

“You’re fine.” Jade sets the PearPad aside and ducks below the sheet with Tori. “And you’ll be great when it comes time to get this kid out of you.” She rubs her hand over Tori’s stomach. “Is she still moving around?” They’ve notice the baby tends to be active after they have sex. It’s common, but it’s kind of weird.

“A little.”

Jade taps her fingers in a rhythm that’s linked to the first song that comes to mind. “What I like about cheese,” Tori’s quick to cover the melody so Jade can take the harmony, “is you can put it on veggies, and it tastes, mmm mmm, so good.” It’s like second nature, this ridiculous song that they sang one time, for a group of toddlers. But just as Jade’s really getting into it, Tori changes up the lyrics on her.

“I don’t know what you’ve been used to, never been with a girl like you. But I can give you a love that’s true to your heart, not material things…” Tori’s plan was to continue with the chorus, but now Jade’s kissing her and it seems like maybe, in about twenty minutes, this baby’s going to be hyperactive. This time, it’s slow as Jade takes her time and by the time she’s finished, Tori can’t even bring herself to string two words together, in a song or otherwise.

“Have you thought about names much?” Jade asks, her voice still rough from sleep. It’s morning, but still early enough that they’re both still in bed. These days, Tori’s lingered a bit longer before getting up to start the day (and Jade’s coffee).

Tori shrugs and allows Jade to cuddle up to her. “A little. But nothing stands out.”

“How about Tawny?”

“I’m not naming this baby after the girl from _The Scissoring_.”

“Then I’m all out of suggestions.”

This is a conversation that resurfaces at least twice a day over the next week.

“Kesha?” Tori asks.

“With the dollar sign or without?”

They ultimately decide that neither is right for the baby. By the weekend, they’re on a video chat with Cat when it comes up next.

“I think you should call her Yerba,” Cat suggests.

“As in the fucked up country where we were in prison?” Jade asks.

“Sure!”

Tori’s certainly not naming her baby Yerba, but now she’s curious. “Uh, why?”

“Because it’s where you two fell in love.”

Jade looks at Tori. “Um, no…”

“Yeah, Jade’s right. None of that really started until later.” Tori throws another glance at Jade. “Like, way later.”

“Oh, right.” Cat nods, but then she very deliberately winks.

“We weren’t in love in Yerba!” Jade shouts.

“Then why were you so worried about Tori?”

“Because she was in a foreign prison. I thought maybe they might make gravy out of her.”

Cat frowns. “Jade, that’s gross.”

“Yeah, that is,” Tori confirms.

“I’m going to the gym.” And that’s the end of that conversation.

The next day is Tori’s baby shower. Everyone’s there, even the boys. Jade made Trina swear there were no stupid games where people had to find the fake poop in the diaper or anything equally as disgusting. Instead, it’s actually a pretty fun party and Tori finds herself missing most of her friends. She hasn’t seen everyone together like this in several years.

“So,” Robbie singsongs as he elbows Tori while they both stand in front of the snack spread on the breakfast counter. “Tell me all about your romantic reconnection with Jade.”

Tori casually picks up a carrot. “Well, it wasn’t planned, if that’s what you’re wondering. When I came out here, it was just supposed to be a chance to get away from the media.”

“Yes, and before you came out here, you and Jade weren’t even speaking.”

“We… had drifted. That wasn’t a secret.”

“She was royally wazzed off about your engagement.”

Tori points her carrot at him. “Okay, if you already know this story, why are you asking me to tell it?”

“Because,” Robbie gently pushes the vegetable wielding hand away from his face, “as exciting as it is to hear about it all from your former ex-girlfriend, now girlfriend, from her ex-boyfriend, now my boyfriend, I’d much rather get the details, first hand.”

“Why not ask Jade?”

“Because she hurts people.”

“Not so much anymore.”

“She still crushes souls.”

Tori shrugs. “Yeah, okay.” Robbie watches her with an expectant look as he sips his drink. “So, we hadn’t talked much and then we got into that fight at the festival. Then… she called me when everything started making headlines. I didn’t know what it meant, but… it’s Jade, you know?”

“So, you weren’t sure if she wanted to sacrifice you in a ritual or not.”

“No,” Tori slaps Robbie’s arm. “I knew she was being sincere. For being so scary to most people, she’s actually really protective.”

“Of you, sure. Cat, on occasion. Other people… not so much.”

They both glance over to see Jade standing, arms crossed, brow scrunched together as Trina hands out tiny diapers to all the guests.

“What the hell is this?” Jade asks, holding the diaper as far away from her as possible.

“It’s just a little guessing game,” Trina explains.

“NO!”

Jade looks like she’s about to tackle Trina and Tori takes that as her cue to excuse herself from the conversation with Robbie. “I should--”

“Yes, please. Before there’s bloodshed.”

Tori’s quickly able to talk Jade down from shoving that little diaper somewhere it really shouldn’t go, but that doesn’t stop Jade from glaring at Trina. “We had a deal.”

“I know, and I’ll talk to her.” Tori has a light grip on Jade’s hand and she it gives a reassuring squeeze. “Just take it easy and… it’s almost time to open the baby gifts, so she can’t push any other weird poo games on anyone.”

Jade nods. “Okay. I’ll get the good scissors.”

“I don’t really need them to open--”

 

“Just let me have this, Vega.”

It turns out, the scissors are a good idea, because Jade’s eyes flash with delight every single time Tori needs her to cut a decorative but inconvenient ribbon that’s wrapped around a gift box. They’re almost buried in baby toys, blankets, and adorable tiny clothes by the time the gift table is nearly cleared. Tori picks up and envelope and waves off the scissors Jade offers to help slice it open.

“I can get this one, thank you.”

“That’s from me, by the way.”

Tori glances up at her. “I thought we agreed you’re already doing enough.”

Jade just shakes her head. “It’s not a big deal. And you don’t have to open it right now,” she says, taking the full room of people around them.

“Well, I want to know what it is,” Trina demands.

“It’s not anything… you know… adult, is it?” Tori asks, quietly. Fortunately, Robbie’s performing a little slight of hand with a rubber duck, so most of the party’s attention is on him.

“Why would I give that to you at a baby shower? I’m twisted, but I’m not that twisted.”

“Then I’m opening it now.” Tori pulls open the envelope and slides out the card inside. It’s a certificate for what looks like a blood bank. “What…”

“Well, you’re supposed to keep the placenta.”

“Ew!”

Jade rolls her eyes. “Not, like, in a jar in the freezer.” There’s a moment where it seems like she’s really considering that as an option. “Though, that would be really cool.”

Tori’s quick to counter and pokes a finger at Jade. “No, it would not.”

“Oh, come on.” Jade grabs for Tori’s pointing finger and lowers it. “It’s something that’s coming out of you.”

“But it’s gross.”

“Okay, so…” Jade takes the card and points to it. “They’ll store it, along with the umbilical cord. You don’t have to see it every time you go looking for your pint of Creamy Cowboy Crunch.”

“So, you’re giving me the gift of something that’s coming out of me but making someone else keep it locked up in a freezer?”

“Yes.”

Tori laughs. “It’s kind of perfect.” She leans over and kisses Jade’s cheek. “Thank you.”

“Are you two done? I have more games.” Trina impatiently stares at the them.

“Not if you know what’s good for you,” Jade mutters.

They make it through the rest of the baby shower without Jade putting Trina in a headlock for any reason and, by the end of it, they’re left with an apartment full of finger foods and a ton of baby supplies. When Tori emerges from her shower that night, she finds Jade standing in the second bedroom, the one that now has a crib in the corner instead of the bed that was Tori’s for that first week, then abandoned in favor of Jade’s.

Tori stands in the doorway, watching quietly as Jade stares at the far wall, sketchpad in hand as she contemplates something. “Did you think of anything?”

“No.” Jade still focuses on the blank space as Tori moves into the room and sits in the small armchair in the corner. “It’s not that I don’t have ideas, I just don’t know if any are right. Maybe I have to get to know her, first.”

“I don’t think she’ll have any complaints about what you decide to put on the walls of her nursery.”

“Maybe not at first,” Jade says. She finally turns to Tori and sits on the arm of the chair. “But when she’s older, she might decide she hates koalas or dolphins or zombies or whatever it is we end up putting in here.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m not voting for zombies in the baby’s room.”

“It would be a cute zombie.”

“Jade.”

“Like really cartoony and cuddly.”

“You hate cuddly.”

“But I like zombies. I could compromise.”

Tori wants to argue, but with the way the baby’s moving excitedly in her belly, she has a feeling she might be outnumbered.


	12. 11

“I’m really leaning toward Madeline,” Jade hears Tori say from the other room. She’s talking to her mom on a video chat and Jade can’t make out Holly’s reply.

Jade’s supposed to be working on a rewrite of a screenplay, but she’s been having trouble focusing, lately. They’re two weeks away from Tori’s due date and every time she hears Tori speak, move, breath, or just exist while she’s out of sight, Jade’s positive it’s because she’s in labor.

She tries to work on her script for another ten minutes, but it’s no use. Her laptop clicks shut and she casually makes her way into the living room. Tori’s no longer on the call with Holly, so it’s a prime time to bring up what she heard a few minutes ago.

“You… sounded like you maybe settled on a name?” Jade hasn’t really expected to have any of her suggestions seriously considered, but she’s surprised that Tori hasn’t said anything to her about it.

“I was thinking about it in the shower,” Tori says. “You heard me talking to my mom?”

Jade sits on the couch and pulls Tori’s feet into her lap. “Yeah, it’s hard not to with that big mouth of yours.” If it’s an insult, it’s lost in the light foot massage Jade applies to Tori’s swollen feet.

“Do you think it’s good?” Tori barely gets the words out between relieved groans as Jade’s fingers work across her skin, then move to her ankles.

“If you like it, that’s what matters.”

“I do like it.”

“Okay.”

“But…”

“What?” Jade momentarily stops the rubbing, which has now moved to Tori’s calves.

“Well, I know I’m the one, like, physically having this baby. But… you’re…” Tori’s distracted as Jade resumes her activity. “We’re…”

The power Jade apparently has over Tori’s ability to construct a sentence in this moment is too much to pass up. “We’re…” Jade prods, head tilted as she waits for more.

“We’re… us. You and me and--” Tori exhales as Jade’s thumb rolls over a sore muscle. “--the baby.”

“Madeline.” Jade slides her hands back down to Tori’s ankles.

“Right. We’re going to all be here, together.”

“Wait, she’s not getting a job? I don’t know.”

“Jade, seriously, I’m trying to talk to you.”

“Oh, seriously?” Jade teases. She changes the pressure so she’s lightly tickling.

Tori tries to jerk her feet away, but her position and current state of pregnancy doesn’t really give her much room. “Yes. Stop.” She tosses a stern look Jade’s way and Jade just throws one back at her.

“So, seriously…”

Tori sighs and relaxes. “What would you think about us… being…” She scrunches up her face as she considers what she wants to say. “I guess what I’m trying to ask is… once the baby’s born…” Jade’s caught up in whatever Tori’s trying to say, so much so that she’s not even feigning disinterest. “Ow.”

“What?” Just like that, Jade’s all concern. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just-- Ow.”

“Okay. Is it the baby? Is it time? It’s early. But is it time?”

“I don’t-- Ow. Okay. Something’s happening.”

Jade’s hand slides over the couch cushion. “Did your water break?”

“I don’t think so? Ew, were you just feeling for it?”

“Tori, there’s no time for you to be weird about this.”

“I’m not being weird. You were feeling around for my labor water.”

“This is serious!”

That causes Tori to burst out in laughter. But then it’s quickly brought to a halt with another, “Ow.”

Jade’s immediately up off the sofa. “I’m taking you to the hospital.”

Tori nods. “Should we bring the bag?”

“Yes.” Jade runs into the bedroom, then runs back out. “Where is it?”

“In the closet.” That sends Jade right back into the bedroom, while Tori continues to guide her. “Behind your boots.”

The bag is easy to find and Jade slings it over her shoulder. She scrambles to find her keys and when she emerges back into the living room, she finds Tori still on the couch, playing with her PearPhone.

“What are you doing? We have to go!” Jade’s trying to keep her cool, but this baby is possibly coming two weeks early and all she can think about are all of the complications that can happen with premature childbirth.

“I’m getting us a cab, calm down.”

“Calm down?” Jade’s heart is racing and Tori’s moving about as slowly as a sloth in a youtube video compilation of adorable animals. She hates those stupid cute animals. “You’re in labor.”

“I’m not in-- Ow.” Tori stops to breathe and Jade can’t chastise her, because it’s exactly what she’s supposed to do.

“Here, take my hand,” Jade reaches for Tori and they’re hand-in-hand all the way down the hall, to the elevator, and into the cab. the entire ride to the hospital, the wait to see the doctor, and the time spent in the exam room all add up to the longest period of excruciating history in Jade’s life. Other than the periodic winces and expression of discomfort, Tori seems fine.

“She’s fine,” Dr. Burke confirms, after a brief examination. “It’s Braxton Hicks.”

“Who’s he?” Tori asks. When Jade shoots her a look of utter disbelief, Tori laughs.

“It’s not funny! You’re supposed to read the things I mark in the book so that you know what’s going on! I’m trying to make sure all of this goes the way it’s supposed to and you’re not even doing your homework.” Jade releases an exasperated sigh and that just causes Tori to giggle even more.

“I’m kidding. I know they’re contractions that aren’t, you know, the real kind.” She squeezes Jade’s hand. “Don’t you feel better now that you’ve had a chance to freak out?”

“I wasn’t fr--” But just like that, Tori’s able to bring Jade right back down to reality. “Yeah,” she admits.

Dr. Burke watches them, amused. “Well, she’s right,” the doctor says to Tori. “The more you know, the better success you’ll have in handling all of this.”

“See?” Jade shoots to Tori, unsuccessfully hiding a smirk.

“But,” Dr. Burke directs the next comment to Jade, “that doesn’t guarantee there won’t be a curveball. The most you can do is be prepared and the rest will happen as it happens.”

“Is that supposed to be reassuring?” Jade asks.

“Tori’s young and healthy, so I don’t foresee any real complications. She also has some pretty amazing support.”

Jade could swear the doctor just winked at her. And it hasn’t been a secret that she and Tori are actually together, it’s come up in their previous appointments, when it was apparent that Jade had moved beyond the role of moral support for a close friend. But with this labor scare and being in the hospital where Tori will ultimately be giving birth, the reality of everything is rushing at Jade. They’re having a baby. They’re not just reading books and websites about pregnancy, they’re having a baby.

“I need to sit down.” Jade gropes behind her for the rigid hospital chair and lowers into it.

“I’ll have a nurse bring in some water. And,” Dr. Burke rolls back in her chair and rises, closing Tori’s chart as she does. “I’ll see you two in a couple of weeks.”

By the next weekend, Tori’s the one who thinks every sensation in her abdomen is a potential sign of labor.

“Count, please!” Tori demands. She’s sitting on the couch with Jade’s Casio keyboard on the stand in front of her. She’s been plunking around on it all afternoon, working out some melodies for potential new songs. For the moment, though, she’s stopped.

Jade’s across the room, reading a blog at the breakfast bar. She doesn’t get up but she does obediently pick up her phone and activate the stopwatch. When whatever sensation Tori’s experiencing passes, it’s been ten seconds. They wait, but there’s no follow up.

“Well?” Jade asks.

“Maybe she was just turning around.” Tori rubs her hands over her stomach. “It’s probably really cramped in there.”

“Ask her what she wants for her room, because I still can’t decide.” Jade’s sketched out a dozen different ideas for the baby’s room, but nothing feels right.

“I don’t see what’s wrong with a couple of cute prints from IKEA, for now.”

“I’m not exposing her to crappy generic art.”

“Then just pick something.”

“Fine.”

“Not zombies.”

Jade groans and turns back to her computer. She sulks as she scrolls through a couple webpages, but as Tori goes back to playing the next random bit of music, it catches Jade’s ear. “What is that?” It sounds familiar, but she can’t place it. It’s not anything from Tori’s albums and she doesn’t think it’s from Hollywood Arts.

“Just something that reminds me of you.” Tori doesn’t say anything else, she just continues humming as she works her fingers over the keys.

After a few more bars, it clicks. She’s definitely heard this before. “Isn’t that the song you wrote for your sister?” Jade asks. She climbs over the back of the couch to join Tori.

“Yeah, well, I’ve mentally repurposed it to be about you. Like Elton John and how Candle in the Wind was for Marilyn Monroe but then he made it for Princess Di.”

“Those people are dead. Are you saying I’m dead to you?”

“What I’m saying is…” Tori resumes playing and begins to sing, “You might be crazy, have I told you lately that I love you? You're the only reason that I'm not afraid to fly.” She offers Jade a playful smiles as she continues with the lyrics. “And it's crazy that someone could change me, now no matter what it is I have to do, I'm not afraid to try.” Tori leans toward Jade as she closes out the chorus. “And you need to know that you're the reason why.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever been afraid to try much of anything, since I’ve known you,” Jade says, as Tori leans back against the couch, her hands sliding off the keyboard and into her lap. “Except that time you were supposed to make that stunt fall.”

“It was really far!”

“And when you refused to learn to drive.”

“I didn’t refuse to learn. It was just… stressful.”

“But I guess I did kind of help you stop being a big chicken.” Before Tori can protest, Jade loops an arm around her shoulders. “Don’t worry, I’m working on a compliment.” Tori huffs, but she leans against Jade. “You’re about to have a baby, which means a live being is going to climb out of you and then you’re going to teach her all kinds of life stuff and take a chance that she may or may not be royally screwed up by whatever choices you make for her.” When Tori opens her mouth to argue, Jade covers it with her hand. “I’m saying that it’s a brave thing, being a mom and I think you’re going to be really great at it.”

When Jade’s hand falls away, Tori doesn’t have anything to debate. She just grabs the front of Jade’s shirt and pulls her in for a kiss. When it ends, she makes herself comfortable, head resting on Jade’s shoulder as their fingers lace together. “I’m not doing this all alone. I’ve had you right here with me the whole time and we’re doing this together.”

“But I’m not really doing that m--”

It’s Tori’s turn to shut Jade up with a hand over her mouth. “Be quiet. I’m trying to tell you you’re a good person.”

Jade’s shoulders sag and when Tori’s hand moves away, there’s a scowl on her face. “That’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Well, get used to it. Look, Jade, I could raise this baby on my own. Okay, not all alone in a shack or anything or in a small town like the Gilmore Girls. I’d definitely have people around me to help out where I needed it, but I could do this, just me. I make enough money, the press loves me, and if things go bad professionally, I can always guest star on Trina’s reality show.”

“For the love of chiz, only do that if you’re going to shove her into a lobster tank or something.”

“But I don’t want to do that.”

“Come on, it would be hilarious.”

“I’m talking about the raising a kid on my own thing, nerd.”

Jade raises her hand to her chest. “Did you just nerd me?”

“I did. Because,” Tori’s voice raises to an announcement volume, “Jade West is a considerate, creative, beautiful, overprotective nerd. And I want to raise my baby with her!”

“Someone’s calling the police, right now. You’re disturbing the peace with your slander.”

“I mean it, though.”

“All of it?”

“Yes, even the part about you being considerate. Most of the time.”

Jade feels warm in the air conditioned apartment and it takes her a moment to piece together that she’s feeling genuine happiness. She’s content, she’s pleased with the way things are working out. She’s not used to it.

But what Tori’s saying, which is also what they’ve been working toward, whether they realized it or not, is that this is what’s right for them. Together.

Jade wonders if any of this will change, once the baby’s born. But in this moment, there’s no room for speculation. It’s just Jade and Tori, on the couch on a late summer evening. And, after about a minute and a half, it’s Jade and Tori arguing over whether they’re going to watch Spongebob reruns or the _American Horror Story_ reunion special.


	13. 12

Tori’s two days overdue and she’s miserable. It’s mid-October and it’s unusually warm out for the season. She’s taken to lying in bed with a fan blowing directly on her, but the low hum of it is just irritating her.

She flings paperback she’s reading, some short story collection by Stephen King that was the closest thing in reach on the bedroom bookshelf, and it bounces off the far wall with a thunk. It’s enough to get Jade’s attention from the other room.

“Are you okay?”

“No!”

Jade’s in the bedroom within seconds. “What’s wrong?”

“I want this baby out of me,” Tori declares.

“Do you want to try the food thing? I’ve been looking at some of the lists of what’s supposed to work.”

Tori shakes her head. “I’m not really hungry. I did read thing about coffee, though.”

“I can make you some, if that’s what you want.”

“It’s not about drinking it. You have to steam it and then sit over it--”

“I’m not letting you violate totally good coffee!”

“I’m the one in misery, here!” Tori wants to flail but the most she can do is wheel her arms and then flop them back against the pillows.

“You look like it.” Jade crawls on the bed next to her. “But you know what else is supposed to work?”

“Everyone knows about the sex thing,” Tori replies.

“Well?”

“Am I even attractive enough for you to be interested?”

The orgasm Jade gives her translates to a resounding yes. 

As they lie in bed, Tori on her side with Jade behind her, kissing her shoulder, there’s security and love being communicated with every touch. But there doesn’t seem to be any change in Tori’s status.

“If you really want to try that coffee thing, I guess we can.”

Tori rolls over to face Jade. “No, it’s okay. I think you worked up my appetite. We could try something spicy.”

“Burrito Bill’s?”

“Yeah, the number four. Extra avocado salsa.”

Jade peels back the covers and fumbles around for her underwear over the side of the bed. “You know what I miss? The burritos from the Grub Truck.”

“That’s definitely one thing LA has on New York. Better good, cheap Mexican food. But the pizza’s pretty great.” Tori cocks her head. “Wait, do I want pizza?”

“I thought you wanted something spicy and labor inducing.”

“I could put a lot of red pepper on--” Tori sits up. “Um…”

“We can order both.”

“You might want to wait.”

“For?”

“Because I think my water just broke.”

This time, Jade’s calm and collected and knows exactly where to find Tori’s bag. Because it’s been sitting by the front door for days. Tori’s just glad this is finally happening, that her baby is on her way. It’s cliche and something right out of a Hallmark card commercial, but she honestly can’t wait to meet her.

The cab ride is just a short trip to the hospital, but it feels like time extends every single time she has a contraction. Jade’s diligent about counting the seconds and timing everything. If she’s nervous, she doesn’t look it. Though, she does call the cab driver an idiot, when he stops short at a yellow light.

“You could have made that!”

“Hey, lady, if you don’t like the way I drive, there’s plenty of other cabs.”

“The lady is fine,” Tori interjects, shooting Jade a look. “She promises to tip at least fifty percent.”

“I--” But then Jade sighs and digs a twenty out of her pocket. She shoves it through the small window that separates them from the driver. “Just get us there as quickly as possible.”

They make it to the hospital without any other outbursts from Jade, though Tori does groan the last half a block as she struggles to breath through her latest contraction. Jade dashes inside and emerges with a wheelchair, just like in some kind of romantic comedy.

Tori enjoys the moment and decides she likes this part where it seems like life imitates art. 

They’re quickly back in an exam room, identical to the once they sat in a couple weeks ago, but this time, they’re moved into a delivery room where where there are nurses prepping the area for Dr. Burke.

“Ladies,” Dr. Burke greets them as she settles at the base of the delivery bed. “Good to see you again.”

As everything begins to happen, Tori’s caught in a whirlwind. She’s given the epidural injection and that helps with the pain to the point where she’s happily looking up at Jade, excited.

“It’s happening. She’s almost here.”

“I know. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I don’t really feel much.”

“Okay, just… if it gets intense, squeeze my hand.”

At first, Tori doesn’t even think it’s going to be that big of a deal. Until it’s time to really push. Because of the baby’s change in position, the medication is only partially effective and there’s definitely pain.

“Oh my god, this is…” Tori groans as she does her best to focus on Dr. Burke’s instructions.

But Jade’s right there, talking her through the breathing they’ve been working on for weeks. “You can do this. Squeeze my hand. Come on! Tori! Squeeze it! Is that all you’ve got?”

Tori squeezes and pushes and cries and she knows she’s probably talking nonsense to Jade because of the drugs and the hormones. “Is it working?” she asks. It would suck if all this pain and effort wasn’t really doing anything.

Jade looks down to where Dr. Burke is set up to receive the baby. “Oh my god, it’s so disgusting.” She’s grinning ear to ear when she looks back at Tori. “It’s awesome.”

Tori hears something about the baby crowning and there’s one more massive, intense push, during which she’s almost certain she’s broken every bone in Jade’s hand. And then there’s a cry. A tiny cry that splits the room.

“Is that her?”

Jade nods. “Yeah, she’s… covered in crap, but she looks just like you.”

“Good,” Tori sighs.

As they clean up the baby and present her to Tori, a nurse hands Jade a clipboard with the birth certificate on it. “If you two can just fill this out, we’ll take care of the rest.”

Tori takes her first look at her daughter’s face. She’s small, kind of blotchy, and her dark hair is all askew in wisps on her head. “She’s beautiful,” and, just like in one of those cheesy movies, Tori starts to cry.

“I told you, she looks just like you,” Jade repeats. “You did it,” she says softly, as she leans down to kiss Tori’s forehead. “I’ll take care of this, you just sign when you’re ready.” Jade taps the clipboard with the provided pen.

“Make sure you spell it right.”

“I’m pretty sure I know how to spell, but okay.”

“M-A-D-E-L-Y-N.”

Jade jots it down, then looks at it. “Wait, that’s…”

“She’s named after you. Because you’re mad all the time.”

“Not all the time. Just when people are annoying.” Jade’s expression is something Tori’s rarely ever seen on her.

“Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” there’s a sniff because Jade’s trying with everything she has not to cry in front of the hospital staff.

“You want to hold her?”

Jade nods and Tori allows her to lift the baby from her arms. As Jade gently sways with the tiny bundle in her arms, Tori fills out the rest of the name. Madelyn Victoria Vega-West.

In her entire life, Tori’s never been more sure of a decision she’s had to make.

Everyone comes to see the new baby. Cat, Andre, Beck and Robbie, Trina, Tori’s parents, and Jade’s mom. It’s a full house at the apartment and Tori has to escape into the baby’s room, while everyone’s doting on the newest family member in the living room, just to get a moment alone. Madelyn’s a week old and she’s already growing and changing. Tori can’t believe it.

“Can I hide in here with you? My mom is telling your mom some kind of embarrassing baby story that I’ve worked very hard to repress.” Jade carefully shuts the door behind her.

Tori welcomes her girlfriend with open arms. “I was seriously considering taking a nap in that crib.” Neither of them have really slept all week.

“I’ll take ten minutes in a dresser drawer if it means peace and quiet. I’m this close to losing my mind. And I’m talking about having to listen to Trina yammer on about her teeth whitening commercial, not Maddy.”

“They’ll all be gone back to California by tomorrow night.”

“At least they’re not staying here. I think I might kill her if I had to share a bathroom with her.”

“Why do you think I showed up to school looking like I did, half the time? Because she uses all the hot water and wastes the leave-in conditioner on her leg skin.”

“I don’t… even want to know.” Jade wraps her arms around Tori and looks at the still blank space on the wall. “So, I was thinking about this room.”

“Did you pick something?”

“Uh, well… remember how I said maybe I need to get to know her, first?”

“Yeah. And you’re still not going to convince me that she wants a zombie theme.”

“I’m over that. But I’ve been doing some thinking. And I don’t think this room is right, at all.”

“Because of the noise?”

Jade nods. “Yeah. And the location.”

“You… want to move?” This is the first Tori’s heard about it. As far as she knows, Jade loves this part of the city.

“Just hear me out.”

“Okay.”

“That means no talking.”

“I know.”

“Shhh.” Jade waits, then once she’s sure Tori’s going to be quiet, she continues. “When I moved here, it was for school. New York was where I needed to be to make my movie. But the reason I stayed… was because it meant there was a reason we weren’t together. Like, in my head, I mean. If I was here and you were in California, I could blame the distance for us not being together.”

“We don’t really have that now, do we?”

Jade squints in faux annoyance at Tori interrupting her. “For what this place costs, we could have a house out there. It would be more room for her and we’d be close to our friends and family.”

“Even Trina?”

“I’m willing to make that sacrifice.”

“So, you’re saying you want to move back to Los Angeles?” Tori asks. This is a surprise, but it’s an incredibly welcome one, for all the reasons Jade’s listing. 

“I’m saying I don’t need an excuse to be away from you, anymore. So, yeah. Let’s go back to LA.”

“You know, um… I had something I wanted to ask you. I was thinking about waiting until Christmas so I could do it under the big tree at Rockefeller Center, but then you hate the crowds and tourists--”

Jade frowns. “They just stop when everyone else is still moving. What is wrong with them? It’s like they want me to hate them.”

Tori ignores the mini-rant and continues. “I didn’t pick anything out, yet, so you’ll have to just take my word for it that I owe you one very expensive ring.”

“A ring? For wh--” Jade’s eyes are wide. “Oh.”

Tori considers getting down on one knee, but she’s still store from the delivery. She settles for taking both of Jade’s hands in her own. “Jade, will you marry me?”

“Can it be a black diamond?”

“It can be whatever color you want.”

“Yes.”

“You will?”

“I said yes, didn’t I?” 

They’re kissing and Tori feels tears on her cheek, which she knows are in part her own, but with the way Jade’s eyes are watery, they may very well both be crying a little. It’s the second happiest Tori’s ever been, with the first place holder having happened the week before.

It’s been an amazing and wonderful year, full of challenges, new discoveries, and familiar comforts. She can’t wait to see what the future holds.


	14. Epilogue

**Interviewer:** It’s so good to see you, again.

 **Tori Vega-West:** Thank you, it feels really great to be back to work.

 **Interviewer:** So, it’s been about two and a half years since your last album and I know you’ve had a lot happen since then. Has that influenced your songwriting?

 **Tori Vega-West:** Absolutely. As most people know, I spent some time in New York, had a baby, got married… it definitely brings a lot to the table when you’re working on lyrics and storytelling through song. Different things become important. But a lot of it is still universal.

 **Interviewer:** I was able to listen to a couple of the demos from this record and it’s… still very Tori Vega, but there’s something fresh, as well. Would you say that has anything to do with you becoming Tori Vega-West?

 **Tori Vega-West:** (laughs) Maybe.

 **Interviewer:** Speaking of your wife, she had mentioned in an interview earlier this year that she’s working on an exclusive collection of recordings where you’re singing in the shower.

 **Tori Vega-West:** And if she releases it, I may go back to just being Tori Vega. No, I’m kidding. But I honestly never know what she’s up to. Ever since she launched her Movie-a-Week short film website, she records everything and I’m never sure what’s going to end up on the internet.

 **Interviewer:** Will be be seeing a Vega-West film collaboration on the big screen, anytime soon?

 **Tori Vega-West:** It’s possible. Right now, our biggest project is raising our daughter and making sure we spend as much time with her as we can.

 **Interviewer:** Any plans for a second child?

 **Tori Vega-West:** Not yet. We are thinking about getting a kitten, though.

 **Interviewer:** That should work out well for the website. Cat videos are classic.

 **Tori Vega-West:** Knowing Jade, it will probably be a zombie cat video and she’ll probably name it Lucifer.

 **Interviewer:** We get a lot of questions from people wanting to know how celebrity couples make relationships work, especially being in the public eye all the time. Any advice?

 **Tori Vega-West:** Um, find someone who challenges you. I mean, there’s the basic stuff like honesty and communication, which… all of that is really important. But being with someone who knows how to call you on your crap, but then can also take it when you do the same. Not in a mean way, just in a way where you know they’re pushing you to be the best version of yourself. That and knowing when to get away from everything. Sometimes you just have to take time for yourself and say f*ck everyone else, except the people who are most important to you. For me, that's my family and the friends who have stuck by me through everything. Jade fits both categories and I wouldn't trade the experiences I've shared with her for anything.


End file.
